Hidden Dark Side
by RowanLeeves
Summary: This is a fic based on the NWN2 game. The romance is not about Casavir, Bishop, Sand... yours to discover. It ends with Ch11 and continues with "Resort" coming soon
1. Chapter 1

By Rowan Leeves

This fiction is inspired by the Neverwnter Nights2 campaign. Most of the characters and places belong to the Neverwinter Nights2 team and are not mine. I am adding and changing things in order to fit them to my liking.

The subject of this fic is somehow "delicate". If you are sensible, or not comfortable with other points of view about love than your own, you shouldn't read this fiction.

This is rated mature, contains a little nudity, somehow bad language and unusual "thinking".

**Hidden dark side**

**01**

You would probably say that there is something wrong with me; that I am not normal or that I probably suffer of some psychological disease. Maybe you will say that my problem comes from the fact that I never knew my parents and needed any attention I could get.

Well, my answer is "no", that's not it. I already have attention and friends that I care for. Plus, I do have a foster father – sort of – but that was the very core of my problem.

Let me start from where I should. My name is Phael. Phael Amolin. I am a wood elf with part drow and celestial blood, probably coming from my real father.

When I but a baby, West Harbor, the village my mom visited very often, was attacked by some psycho-maniac monster with illusionary ideas about "protection"… anyhow. He was taken care of with a glowing sword and strong magic produced by a warlock. What I've been taught is that the monster destroyed the warlock's sword and shattered pieces flew everywhere.

My mother, who was trying to shield me, was killed by one of them. It went through her chest before it finally landed in my own heart. I still don't know how I survived, but many people, including my mother and her best friend's fiancée Shayla, didn't.

As I understood years later, my mother had asked Shayla to take care of me if something was to happen to her. She knew the woman couldn't have children with her man and that I would make her happy. Well this never happened and her fiancé, Daeghun, lost everything that night.

But what can I say? The man was so much blinded by sadness, that he almost lost his mind. He also lost the opportunity to have me as a foster daughter, or even better, as a friend. But well, the rainbow comes after the storm… right?

After that terrible night, although he was suppose to take care of me, Daeghun sent me away. I guess he simply couldn't stand my presence.

My first clear souvenirs were from a huge wooden house somewhere in the woods – a house that was my home and playground. It was a school in which students could live, learn and practice whatever they were good at, although all of the teachers were rangers or fighters. I know I ended up there because the founder was Daeghun's friend.

My supposed foster father paid my stay there and often sent me interesting goods from his travels and hunting. But if he came to visit me twice a year, I was very a lucky girl.

I liked it pretty much at the school and from what I remember, the others liked me as well, although I was a little pest. I used to hide stuff and play tricks on others, especially to the elders. It was either about locking their doors or hiding their personal stuff somewhere; usually in the kitchen or the garden.

Everytime Daeghun came to visit, it would be the same story. He would show up from nowhere one morning, give some coin to the elder and take me for a walk in the forest. He would then give me one of those strange gifts – a little bag full of miscellaneous things – and we would eat together, in silence. Those meetings weren't happy memories. They just felt like duties and I could see the man suffering even if he was hiding it behind his daily stern mask of seriousness.

We were always uneasy while together. He just couldn't handle me…or bare me. I knew he wasn't family, because he had made that clear the very first time I was conscious enough to understand what he was saying. But I also knew he was the only one I had and that our lives were entangled.

I accepted him pretty much, but he didn't seem to do the same and at some point I grew tired of him. Man! If you can't cope with something, stop forcing it – just let it go.

With the years, as it was written in every action made, I became what they call a rogue, «a skillful little pest» as my favorite teacher used to say. Don't get me wrong; I am NOT some evil hearted thief. I don't steal people's stuff…well, not from innocent people anyway. As for thieves and greedy ones – be ware! But well, that's not the subject.

So I grew up in the school. Students came and went with the years and only some of them stayed for a long time. One of the girls got quite close with me, but our friendship didn't last as she had to leave – she wanted to be a druid, and needed to study elsewhere.

With time, I became a teenager with strong will and sometimes bad character. I was usually polite, but could easily drop my manners as well. If someone was poking me in a way I didn't like, I could become a very bad girl. That happened especially if some male with high-leveled libido would try to seduce me. Not that I didn't like guys – quite the opposite – I simply didn't like the horny and disrespectful attitude a lot of them had.

One day, when I was around sixteen years old of human age, it got quite bad. There was new student, a half elf boy named Emile. Tall and heavy with muscles, he imagined himself as the best and strongest student.

The first few days after his arrival weren't that bad. He was only making stupid jokes, not enough to make me or anyone else react. It was simply annoying. But that day – he did something he shouldn't have.

I am quite short and cute as others say, so I usually leave the impression of being an easy target. But really, never trust appearances, especially not in my case. Pointy ears, pale lilac skin and lemon eyes – believe me, I am a monster.

I was about to leave the house and wander around the forest for a while, when Emile came out of nowhere behind me. He locked his arms around my chest while whispering some non-sense in my ear. I told him to get the hell off of me, but he wouldn't listen. He tightened his grip and tried to caress me at places I really didn't want him to brush against.

I was starting to be very animated and angry when he finally bit the sensible edge of my ear. Maybe it means nothing to you, but for elves – for me – this is a very ecstatic feeling.

That was it! The bastard had spoiled my dream of the first man who would touch my ears and make me shiver with pleasure. Plus, he was trying to force me! A girl with less strength than me wouldn't have been that lucky.

Without him anticipating it, I jerked my elbow in his stomach. Taking advantage of his surprised expression, I slipped my arm beside his back and helped myself with my other arm to throw him on the ground.

"Rogues can kick-ass too you bloody hell hound!"

I'm not exactly sure, but I think every damn thing that pissed me off in the inside emerged at that moment. I was furious, but Emile seemed to share the sentiment. He looked shaken – humiliated – that someone had almost beaten him, especially the undersized elf.

Before I realized, he kicked me and I fell on my back, right next to him. Before he could steady me and pull himself on top, I sank my knee in his stomach and used my feet to push him on the side. I wasn't only on top of Emile then, but had also locked his arms tightly under my body so he couldn't get free. I still don't know how I did it, for I was too pissed off to notice anything. I just remember that my hands and knuckles hurt, and were covered in blood rather quickly. I was beating the crap out of Emile, punishing him for more than he had done.

At one moment I realized that his face was a red zone and that bloody bubbles were popping out of his nose as he was trying to breath. My own breathing was heavy and I slowly took my hands away, dropping a satisfied look on the boy under me. I guess it was wicked, but he got his lesson.

When I recovered my senses and stood up, I noticed that someone was observing the scene from not too far. It didn't surprise me and I really didn't care. Everyone knew about Emile's bad behavior, and how mine could get nasty too.

Taking my time as if I hadn't noticed, I stroked my hands on my pants in order to take off some of the blood. I was still mad and my own blood was boiling in my veins. Biting my ear was bad and I knew it had awakened sooner than wanted some needs I wasn't ready to face yet. Well…it was too late, wasn't it? I kicked once more the almost unconscious body of the felon and turned around with the slight idea of going back in my room and taking a shower. But I froze…

The observer wasn't a student, nor a teacher. The one staring at me was no other than the very gray Daeghun Farlong. His eyes were dangerously focused on me, as if he didn't approve. That's what I thought at least.

He seemed surprised by my behavior, but I mostly saw his usual sad and cold stare…and it pissed me even more.

Who was he to judge me anyway and why did he have to be there at that precise moment? Why did I have to endure him at all? He didn't really want me around! So why in the hells was he trying to look as if he cared? Did he? Whatever – _I_ didn't care…not then.

It's not that I didn't like him. I just felt awkward whenever he came to visit. I didn't want him to start acting as a guardian or whatever he was supposed to be to me. He couldn't, period.

"What?" I asked annoyingly.

Daeghun just closed his eyes as if knowing what would happen next. And he really did. The founder of the school came out, looking pretty calm although it was clear he was aware of the situation. He stood next to Daeghun and they exchanged some words in elfish. I still didn't understand everything except for the obvious words, because I mostly spoke common language.

Not even two hours later I was walking with Daeghun towards West Harbor, my personal stuff in a bag and my school, and home, behind me. It was slowly tearing me and I wanted to scream my rage at the silent man on my left. But then again, I was assuming my actions and it wasn't his fault at all. He had tried his best to make us both happy by leaving me at the school, but I guess it just wasn't supposed to be like that.

Even if my act counted as self-defense, I had to be expelled. Emile was also out, but he had to recover at first. It was the only consolation I received.

So, still dirty and literally messed-up, I followed the crazy ranger towards his own home. How I hated it! I didn't want to go in West Harbor, and above all, didn't want to live with this man I barely knew. Gods – who knows? He looked so fed up by life, that I feared he would go mad one day and murder me. I was wrong of course, but my head was in a big mess at that moment

We had to spend one night in the woods before we would reach his place and I wasn't as comfortable with the idea as Daeghun. Back at school I loved to wander in the forest, but I never went too far nor spent the whole night in it.

We walked fast, without saying a word, till he finally stopped and told me it was a good spot to rest and set camp. When the fire was ready, he started to prepare something to eat without giving me the slightest look. Hell, I didn't even know if he was mad at me!

When he finally spoke, his voice was calm.

"It wasn't brilliant to behave without control over your self, but you did well. I saw what happened – good to know you're able to defend yourself. I didn't have to fire at the boy, which is a good thing. He has a change to survive now."

I grimaced, but was glad he had broken the silence. "Defending my self? Meh! I almost killed hi... wait, you were going to shoot at him?"

"Of course I was. What does "Meh" mean?"

I nearly choked, hot potatoes trying to make their way sanely through my throat. "In which era are you living in?" I grimaced more, to witch Daeghun responded with a frown. "It's… you know… a simple expression. Like a verbal sigh."

"I see." He seemed uncomfortable and I somehow understood he was really separate from the world he lived in.

His seriousness returned and he said he would _maybe_ get used to my expressions with time. And that was about the mega conversation we had.

After this night, things passed quickly. We reached the village the next day, and I settled in Daeghun's house, taking the dusty unoccupied room next to his on the second floor. I quickly started learning my way around and did my best to blend in once I had met everyone. It wasn't difficult for me of course, and the people there were nice.

It didn't change anything that Daeghun and I lived together though. Not many words were exchanged between us and he never interfered in my affairs, for which I was glad about. Plus he was not home often.

I quickly became fond of two kids in West Harbor: Amy and Bevil. Both were human and younger than me, but they reached my age fast enough since I grow at a slower pace than them.

Within a week after my arriving I knew everybody in town – even people Daeghun didn't know that much about. Well, that's what I thought. Everyone seemed nice to me and even boys didn't bother me; after all, all of them had seen me covered in blood when I arrived, and the story had related more than once.

The first four years were quiet. Once per year we had the harvest party, where we could participate in trials and win the cup. I was planning on testing myself one day, but I carefully took my time – after all, I wanted Bevil and Amy to be ready as well. We were in this together. The funniest thing was that Daeghun was leading the archery contest. It didn't seem to matter he was almost never in the village. But well, it's true he was, is, amazing with that bow.

I found out that I enjoyed myself in the village. There were more people than I was used to see and we even had some travelers passing by every now and then. I even had some quality time with a human who was traveling through West Harbor.

We were attracted immediately one by the other, but it lasted only a night since his journey awaited. I didn't mind. What mattered was that I had finally gotten what I wanted. And it was about time since my libido was dangerously growing after my lovely souvenir from Emile.

I also found out with time that I didn't miss my school that much and life in West Harbor suited me well enough. And so things went pretty well, till one day.

Bevil and Amy were both occupied, so I decided to put my plans in action and wander around the village' surroundings alone. I left with my leather armor on and some daggers attached to my belt. It wasn't going to be a long trip, but you're always better off prepared.

I walked about four hours before I arrived on a nice spot and decided to stop and relax a bit. I sat and ate some bread while enjoying the view. It was morning and the air was warm. A nice summer day.

Then, I realized not too far away was a stream, where someone was bathing. I told myself that it was easy to hide with the small hills around me. Plus, no one ever spotted me when I moved silently – my love of torturing people by scaring them had made me learn a lot about being quiet.

My curiosity took control and I swiftly started to approach the vulnerable target. I just hoped it wasn't a girl – you know, the usual hot lady in a morning bath… bah, I took my chances.

It was a male. I thought the situation was amazing and that peeking innocently couldn't do any harm. After all, girls also loved to "look" – we are just not known as perverts… I hid myself as best as I could and spied on the man.

His things were gathered not far from his bath area. I could only see a backpack, folded clothes – or armor, I couldn't tell – and the man's bare back. He was slowly washing his hair, leaving me free to enjoy every graceful movement he made. It was igniting. "_Man,_ _what a view!_" I giggled to myself and went on with the peeking, moving a little closer.

He was tall, with a slender, yet strong shape. Danbgerously attractive. I got a glimpse of a pointy ear when I realized I was biting my lower lip. I just couldn't wait for him to get out of the water and give me the whole show.

He turned a little, almost enough for me to see his profile, but then he stopped. He looked as if he was sniffing around and his ears were twitching lightly. Maybe he was sensing the intruder.

I stopped breathing, amused that I might get caught. What could happen anyway?

He slowly turned around and I couldn't wait any more – I had to know what he looked like. What face could be on top of this body? …hmm.

And then I saw. And I wished I hadn't.

There, not too far away from me stood a man. An almost naked and very handsome man. It was Daeghun.


	2. Chapter 2

**02**

I was so shocked at that moment; I could barely pull myself together and hide. He saw me of course.

He plunged into the water till it reached his jaw and gave me one of those dark gaze that I saw clearly even if from afar. It was obvious I should leave immediately, or at least before his legendary bow would start firing arrows by its self.

What the hell was he thinking? That I would stay there and stare at him? Never in a thousand life!

I just closed my mouth before a mosquito would go in and left towards home… quickly. _"Oh my God what have I done again?"_ I hissed at myself. It was already hard enough when we were together and now it was going to be impossible. I felt so embarrassed… especially because I had enjoyed seeing him like that. It was most disturbing.

I was sure he wouldn't be home for another long while. Actually, I believed he would either never come home again, or that he would in order to kick me out. I was wrong.

He didn't just come back the same day – he was there before me! I had merely opened the door and put one foot in when I smelled his presence. He called me on the spot and my features froze.

"Diner in twenty minutes." His tone sent chills in my blood. I nodded and flew straight for my room.

"_Eat together?"_ My mind shouted. That had happened only when he was visiting me at school and the night we had passed in the forest. Now it was going to happen again… on a real table and after what had taken place on the top of it all.

Not five minutes had passed when I heard him calling me again. What did he want this time? To embarrass me further?

It turned out he just needed me to cut vegetables – the excuse! I refused to give him any attention while butchering the ingredients he had given me. At one point, I noticed he was looking at me. Totally focused, without any shame. I centered my attention on the vegetables, wishing to die on the spot. "_Who knows – maybe a thunder could hit me through the house..."_ I thought. _"It would ease me as much as him."_

But no thunder came. I still wonder how I didn't cut my fingers in pieces – my hands were shaking and I had no concentration at all. He finally returned to his own task, leaving me be in peace.

When I turned to take a bowl for my chunks, Daeghun was bending to take something from the oven. Again my pervert mind took control and I stopped, thinking of nothing but what I had seen earlier. I almost smiled maliciously while checking on his back and thighs, feeling my face growing hotter. I just hoped I wasn't blushing – that would imply my end for sure. What was it with me?

The situation was weird, but also very funny. It was absurd and I had to suppress all of my needs to chuckle – I seriously didn't want to end up with an arrow between the eyes.

"What were you doing there?" I almost jumped out of my physical body, dropping the bowl on the floor. He was actually going to talk about it? He couldn't be!

"Euhhh" Was the only dull thing I could produce as sound.

He was still working with the oven. "So?"

"I…euhhh…was just walking around." That didn't sound true although it was.

"Ok, but you were spying on me. Why was that?"

"Euhhh…you aren't serious, are you?" He only looked at me expectantly. "Why I spied? Well, let me guess – maybe because I was benched comfortably and then I saw a naked male in the nearby stream and I li…I wanted…to spy! That's all." Why was I bubbling so much?

"Keep your sexual ideas for someone your age girl." He continued to do whatever he was doing with that oven while I had the number twenty thousand and three shock of the day.

"I didn't know it was you till I saw your face!" I was angry at him. Angry, because he sounded pretty cool – as if he didn't care and just wanted to be sure that I wasn't having any ideas about him. _"Never!"_ ...

"I pictured that already" He added. "Don't feel embarrassed, it's nothing you haven't seen before. So there is no reason to think more about it."

"Euhhh…" I had no idea how to answer him. I was sure to become a real orphan after all, but no – he didn't give damn about earlier, nor did he look uncomfortable. Trust me – I was!

So we ate. In silence. Daeghun looked as wasted as usual and I surprised myself of dreaming to shake and slap him till he would burst out once and for all. Why couldn't he go on? Why was he so complex? Couldn't he just get angry? Could he shout? Or laugh?

"You look dead, man." It slipped before I could do anything against it, making me wish once more for imminent death. Daeghun dropped his utensils and stared at me, his intense grey eyes tearing mine. When he was done chewing, his answer came out coldly.

"I don't want to talk about whatever you think my state is."

"Ok, but you are still living, in case you didn't know…"

"I said I do not wish to speak about it. Now is not the time for that."

"Then when is the time?" Me and my big mouth. He rolled his eyes however – a reaction!

"I'm just tired Phael. You don't need to mess up your life with my past."

"That's the problem, you live in memories. You're not at all aware of what is happening around you. You are alone and you keep yourself egoistically for you only!"

"I'm sorry you see it that way. You have the right to think whatever you want but do not misunderstand me – I know exactly what is happening around me."

"Yeah? Great! Than if you know that much, tell me what I like to do and with whom I spend most of my time." He looked at me as if I was the most annoying thing that had happened to him. After some time, he spoke.

"Very well. Aside from setting traps and scarring people, you like playing chess. You're excited when you win, probably because you enjoy being the best in strategy and calculation. This shows the confidence you have in your abilities. Reminds me of your mother." He posed and then continued calmly. "You spend most of your time with Bevil and Amy, the humans. But this is too easy, so your real answer must be Tarmas."

My mouth fell open again – I was definitely going to eat a mosquito for desert. He went on. "You spend time with him because you're fascinated by magic and are trying to understand how it works and how to control the powers you have. You even steal books from him and give them back after you have copied some pages of your interest – all of it without him noticing. Somehow, humans can be much unorganized." His eyes widened while he was obviously remembering something.

I was still too surprised and probably making a funny face, because he asked me if I needed him to continue. I nodded.

"All right." He sighed. I am not sure, but I think your favorite color is green because you always choose accessories of its shades, although you dress in black. You haven't noticed it yet, but you enjoy daylight very much, even during the hottest summer days. It is surprising since you're part drow, but it doesn't stop you from being comfortable in the shadow of course, where you plot things."

"As for others than you," he continued, "I know a lot as well. I know Wyl Mossfeld and his brother are doing everything they can to seduce you. But you are not aware of it. I know Tarmas is in l… let's say his doing his best for Amy to succeed and become a great sorceress. I know Bevil's mother hasn't heard of her older son for months and she doesn't want to talk about it yet. And of course, I know what people say and think about me."

Well, I was not only convinced he wasn't a fool; I was also scared. How did he know that much? He was never in town!

"I know a lot more than you think" He added as if reading my mind. "I know secrets of pretty much every person that lives in this village – even you. You don't need to tell me anything and please don't. I am glad you are the one abusing males and not the other way around. You should be careful – you could hurt someone. Now, if you're satisfied, I am done. As for the initial subject, if you're not able to read between the lines and sense things, that is your problem. I don't like to talk about it and I am not in the mood right now. Have a good night." He left gracefully the table while I stood glued on my seat.

Ok, I had fooled around with guys – but only travelers. And he was never around when it happened. Plus, I never brought someone home… was he spying? No, he couldn't be.

Before he left definitely to his chambers, some words decided to come out of me. "It would be nice to know that much about you." His shoulders bent a little and I heard him sigh.

"There is nothing there for you. Just do what you are already doing with your life."

"Then why are you taking care of me?"

"I am not!"

"Well…" I was struck, "you are obviously trying… in a way!"

"I am not trying anything girl. I am just a tired old elf and you do not deserve to be an orphan because of that…even though you are."

"Ok…" I must have given him some kind of weird look because he tightened again and frowned while his foot tapped the floor. _"So that's what he looks like when he's impatient." _

"Listen Phael; don't make things worst on the top of it ok? It is enough for me to have failed saving my fiancée and best friend's life. I don't need to notice every day that I had failed them again by letting their _joy_, you, down. I can only provide you with material and shelter. Do you understand?" I nodded. "I know you're not asking anything, but I know you're curious – just keep your curiosity away from me. You may get to see things you don't really wish for."

He left towards his room again. I didn't protest, but if that was what he needed to show off some character, I was sure to bug him again for it. _"I'am such a nuisance!"_

That night I barely slept. I was turning round and round in my bed, knowing that he was in the room right next to mine. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw the silhouette of his naked body and wet hair, his hands and ears. I felt mad and I wanted to forget about it – but I couldn't.

He was right, I did see a lot of "it" before and he wasn't anything new for me. Yet he was. _"Hsss! By Mystra!"_ I slapped my forehead in despair. That couldn't be. I had to find a mate – it was urgent! I remember getting asleep early in the morning.

Another encounter with Daeghun occurred a few days, maybe a week, later. I was still in the "mood" and had to do something about it before I would jump on someone I shouldn't. I had decided to try my luck with Wyl, spending all the evening with him in the tavern, drinking and playing chess. Wyl was clearly eager to spend the night with me, but I realized it was not a very brilliant good idea. Something didn't feel right, so I left him quickly before it was too late to step back, and went home to cool down.

Later that night, Daeghun came home with some furs. He looked at me for a moment before he left them in the chest of the hall. We didn't exchange words at first – as usual – but before he left, he told me to be careful with Wyl. That the boy had the reputation of being very possessive with his girlfriends.

"Are you spying on me?"

"No, I don't need to. You smell of him." And here goes the mosquitoes again.

"I didn't do anything with h… none of your business!" He shrugged and went to his room. What was with him all of a sudden? I promised my self to always take a shower before seeing Daeghun. His nose was dangerous.

Things went that way for a while, without a chance to figure this man out more. And then, one night…

I was finally in my bed after a lot of wine, dancing and other stupid things I did in the tavern with Bevil and Amy. I felt dizzy and my head was spinning, when my door flew suddenly open and Daeghun came in. I hadn't seen him for three days and wasn't expecting him so soon. But anyways – what the hell was he doing in my room – in the middle of the night?

He just came slowly toward my bed and sat on it while I did the same, forcing myself to ignore the vertigo. Daeghun looked miserable. In fact, I had never seen him in such a horrible condition. He looked at some imaginary spot in my room for a while, when he suddenly started to cry. _"By Mystra!"_ What was I to do with that? I panicked, waking up entirely. The man never showed any emotion and now he was crying… silently… in front of me.

I put my hand on his shoulder, as it was the only thing I could think of doing, and I waited for him to say something. After a while, he began whispering. "I am sorry to bother you… it's just that… I don't know what to do I… don't know…" he stopped, searching for the right words and how to say them. "My link with Shayla… it's… gone! Just like that… it can't be."

This was rather difficult to live through. I knew elves could make soul bonds when they decided to get married, but as far as I knew, Shayla and he were only planning to do so when she had died. A soul bond meant much more than relationship responsibility – it meant to be forever with that person. I also thought it couldn't be broken.

"What do you mean it's gone?" I asked, respecting his wish of whispering. Maybe it was easier for him to express himself that way.

"I don't feel her no more. Usually… I can sense the link we had… but it just… died tonight." He was slightly shaking. "Our bond wasn't exactly completed when she… but I thought… I thought it would stay. I thought she would wait for me… but…" He didn't continue.

So something had gone wrong and Daeghun was suffering what was left of his sorry existence. I felt sorry for him, but decided to tell him what I thought. It was a good way of fighting the uninvited tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Look, maybe you don't want to move on Daeghun, but it's been quite a long time now. I think you should let her go – and not just her. Let it go man, there is a reason why you're still here" I felt him tighten for a moment and then finally relax again.

He hid his face in his hands while I waited to see what would come next. We stood like this for a little while, till Daeghun turned to me. He said he was sorry for bothering me and thanked me for my patience and words. After he left my room quietly, I heard the front door close. He was out again.


	3. Chapter 3

**03**

You're still listening to me? That's great! Let's get on with it then.

So, when Daeghun left the house, I didn't see him for two whole months. I was growing scared that he might have done something stupid, but he came back exactly the day before I had decided to leave and look for him. I didn't tell him I was going to do so of course.

I surprised my self by feeling relieved when I heard the front door open, but I had forgotten something; it was late at night and I was dressed – if you can call that clothing – in a pretty short night gown. I was getting used of being alone and had just gone to gather food from the kitchen when he showed up. I felt so happy he was back, that I didn't thought about it. I just looked at him and smiled, as if that was normal between us. His hair looked longer and his cheeks were pink. I think my face became of that color as well, but I didn't show any emotion. There wasn't any! Was there?

Daeghun blinked and quickly turned his head away, barely waving to me before he disappeared in his room. I was used to that behavior, but when I noticed my outfit, I understood. Why were things like this always happening to me? I hissed.

Time passed and I noticed he was colder than before. He didn't speak, nor did he look at me. He was just there, a phantom in an empty house. Like a decoration.

The Harvest Fair finally came, bringing excitement in the village. I was excited too, ready to face the trials with Amy and Bevil. When I woke up that morning, I found Daeghun mumbling something while staring at the fireplace. He just shook his head and came to greet me. _"Wow, I actually exist."_

"Ah… my foster daughter is up and dressed, I see."

I choked. The word "dressed" sounded suspicious. All sounded suspicious! "Since when do _you_ call me foster _daughter_?" I asked sourly, enhancing the hateful emotion of the word "daughter". He was getting on my nerves. First, he was ignoring me, then he had scared the crap out of me with his two months of disappearing! And now, after all those splendid moments we had passed together, he was daring calling me THAT? It was unacceptable.

"Forget I said anything, today is the High Harvest Fair, and the West Harbor village council _requires_ me, yet again, to man the archery competition." He looked normal, but it felt like life was really heavy on him. Or maybe it was the other way around and he was retrieving some colors. Maybe it was the archery competition? I didn't know.

He asked me to sell some furs to the merchant and left. What was with him that morning? _"Mystra!"_ One day, we were both going to die and realize what a waste we were. Our existence could have been much different!

But well, it wasn't entirely his fault of course – I wasn't any better. There I was, instead of trying to reach out for him, as a normal person should, I was having naughty thoughts. It was awful, and the worst part of it was that I loved every thought that occurred in my mind. I didn't want to think of him as something else than what he was; a man. A difficult one to have.

I kicked the chest after gathering the furs and left to meet my friends. That was the best and yet the worst day I had in West Harbor. It was also the last one.

We had already won half of the trials when we made our way to the archery competition, to Daeghun. As we approached, I inspected him secretly. He looked so bored and tired, he was yawning every five seconds.

I made clear with my friends that I was the one shooting with the crossbow. Each of us had abilities and we were separating the trials fairly. Daeghun just told me to fetch the weapon and shoot at the targets. _"Bottles. Lovely."_ The highest score till now was five from ten. It was easy to beat – I had practiced for five years without him knowing. Well, I thought he didn't know…

I didn't love particularly the crossbow, but I was not bad at all with it and I was going to make sure he noticed that. I readied myself and shot at the first bottle. It was a hit, of course. When I was at my fourth one, I could see with the corner of my eye that Daeghun was not yawning anymore. He was concentrated on what I was doing.

I hadn't missed any bottle and I was on my sixth already. The elf looked as if he wasn't breathing, but that was only for me to notice – I guess I knew him a little.

I decided to give him a full glance, straight in the eyes, with a malicious smile before I fired. I knew I had positioned myself perfectly for that shot, but it was a risk. If I would miss that one, it would be a mega shame. To my relief, the bottle fell and I turned back my attention to the last three of them.

Daeghun didn't leave my stare for a second while I challenged him, shaking his head slightly when it was done. I didn't waste a bolt, I didn't miss a bottle and most of it; I shot one of them while looking into someone who stressed me a lot. Was I going mad?

You probably think I really did need some attention – well, you're not wrong, but it's not exactly the attention you're thinking of. I was never complaining that I didn't have parents and I didn't want any replacements. I had teachers, friends and wise people around me. That was amazing and enough for me to grow somehow a little normal. A little.

But Daeghun was a fragile subject for me. You see, he was, is, a nice man. He was lost and didn't know how to handle his own life back then. One usually just gave up trying with him – but I couldn't. And I wasn't trying anything reasonable anyway.

"You stand as this year's winner in archery… and the first to achieve a perfect score. I can see there is definitely a possibility for you to master this weapon." He sounded normal, but something in his voice told me he wasn't expecting me to be that skilled. He looked glad and somehow awake. I answered with a nod and left, proud that I had surprised him.

"What was that about?" Amy asked, "Why did you give him that look? You could have missed your shot."

"I never understood your father – he is such an impossible man." Bevil added and my ears became red as frustration rose in me.

"Don't EVER call him that again! You got that? He isn't anything like that and will NEVER be." I looked away, irritated and clenching my teeth.

"Wow, sorry Phael, I didn't mean to fret you."

"No offence taken. I know you didn't… it's just that… oh forget it, it's complicated." I couldn't tell them. No way. They were my friends and I loved them very much, but this situation wasn't clear for me. I was alone in it.

Bevil was relieved and Amy just looked knowingly at both of us. She didn't ask for an answer and we quickly changed the subject. The evening went on and we won the competition. We were proud and much wine was drank that night. I don't know how, but I managed to get home almost sane, falling asleep with my armor on… what a damn luck.

So, you probably know what happened next and don't need me to go on. Right? Oh, you do? Euhhh… aren't you tired of my mumbling? You don't look like. Fine then!

Incoherent noises woke me up and I just had the time to hear Daeghun shout at Amy and Bevil to get me before they basically blew my room door open in order to enter in the same time. I was still sleepy, but felt danger everywhere and from the faces my friends made, I knew something had happened.

The village was attacked by bladelings and some greenish – my favorite color – monsters from another plane; githyanki.

That night was horrible. We were running around gathering men and women to meet the militia and fight when we saw one of those humanoids fighting with Tarmas. Amy rushed to help him… and was killed.

I couldn't move, my eyes focused on the body of my friend, the girl I had spent five years with. She and Bevil were my first real friends. I have always thought she would get married with him… or with Tarmas, but that wasn't important now. She was gone and all those possibilities were gone with her. Every person is unique you see; there was one, and only one Amy, and she was gone.

When I snapped out, the gith disappeared, leaving some disgusting huge spiders for us to take care of. There was no time for mourning, so we fought. Bevil and I did our best to help the militia, but soon more of the fiends were coming. I grew stressed, for Daeghun was nowhere to be seen.

Another group of fiends showed up. I could see the man and women around me growing tired. My blade was slashing while my mind screamed we wouldn't take it much longer, when I saw arrows. I looked to the right and saw _him_.

It seems this gave energy to everyone and soon the battle was over. But not the war… Daeghun called me not long after. I could see he was glad I was ok, but he didn't talk about it aside from pointing out that others weren't that lucky. He asked me to go into the nearby swamp and retrieve something he had hidden there. He also asked Bevil to come with me.

I was too shocked of my friend's death to argue and didn't feel like it. It just felt right to go and find whatever he wanted me to. Daeghun only said it was a shame Amy had died, that she was a promising mage. I knew he understood my feelings and didn't reply. I just left with Bevil.

My friend wasn't eager to go in the swamp though – there were monsters there you see. And he was right. We had to fight our way through some sort of lizards before we reached the ruin.

Since Bevil couldn't be quiet as me, we had to fight most of the time. The last group of lizards we met were eager to talk it out though, so we managed to persuade them we would only take what was ours and leave. They left us alone.

I looked around the old and dusty place. It smelled bad and was full of spider webs, but what I was looking for stood intact in a corner. _"A chest. Typical."_

When I opened it, I froze. My heart started beating hastily when I looked at the shiny object inside. It was a shard of some sort. When I took it, my eyes closed while its magical power stunned me. It felt as if this thing had always been mine, which it was, in a way.

Bevil looked uncomfortable, so I decided to leave the place immediately. When we came back, Daeghun was helping with the medics and magic healing. He came towards me, relieved to see the shard in my hands.

The situation was rather serious. See, destiny was catching up, and now we couldn't get out from it. That night, the attack on West Harbor wasn't a coincidence. It was the second time that happened and the story was almost repeating itself.

Daeghun told me he thought we were attacked because of the shard, which he had tried to hide away from our village, many years ago. Everything was going too quickly and I didn't understand it all, but when he told me I had to leave and head to Neverwinter to meet his half brother… I exploded.

"You never talk to me about anything and all of a sudden I learn you have a brother? Why don't you go there yourself, you're never here anyway?" I was furious. He wanted me to go there? Why should I? I didn't want to leave West Harbor. To leave him…

"This is not a night to argue, things need to be done. Besides, West Harbor needs me if something happens again and I am not comfortable as you are with humans. I was raised among the wild elves and I don't understand the human behavior very much. Meet my half-brother Duncan, he has a tavern in the Neverwinter docks. He has the other part of that shard and maybe you will find out something there."

"What is it with you? Can't you just talk? What do you think I know of all of this? N-o-t-h-i-n-g! You come with this out of nowhere and you ask me to do stuff and I don't even understand half of it."

"As I said, this is not the time to argue, things need to be done and…"

I cut him. "Maybe I can beat the crap out of you in order to show how much is left of your sorry existence!" What took me? I don't know, but I was fuming. He was sending me away – again. Far away!

His features tightened and he gave me a murderous glance. I thought he would answer me in kind, but he suddenly relaxed. "I'm sorry it has to be that way for you, I don't mean to make _your_ existence poor. Now go get whatever you find in the house and say your farewells to your friends."

"All right, I'll go there and do… whatever it is to be done. But listen carefully; I'll be back. And when that happens, don't expect me to just shut up and let you breathe freely. I'll torture you if that's what is needed in order to obtain something – anything – from you." He didn't say a thing, but I saw his ears shiver a bit as his cheeks became crimson.

Half an our later, I was out in the swamp, alone and mentally tore apart. I looked behind one last time.


	4. Chapter 4

**04**

I know you won't be happy about it, but I'll skip many details. Oh don't make that face! I'm telling you about my private life after all. Just listen or I'll leave without telling the end of my story.

Ok that wasn't true, sorry – I won't leave. I desperately need to tell you about it, to get your attention maybe… I should have been a bard… Oh well…

The time I made it to the city of Neverwinter, I had three people traveling with me. The first one I met was Khelgar, a dwarf. He was a troublemaker and that's probably why we got along perfectly from the beginning; me, patient but violent, him, a roaming volcano constantly on the edge of bursting.

It didn't take longer than a day before we met Neeshka. Some supposed patrol guys were trying to harm her since she was a tiefling. Khelgar and I didn't hesitate – we attacked. After all that had happened in West Harbor, it was a pleasure for me to throw my rage at them. It felt good to bash, kick and slash with my short sword.

The last one we met was Elanee, a druid wood elf. We were once more fighting when she appeared, casting spells on our enemies and enhancing our abilities with her chant. I later learned she was watching over me for a very long time. Some people might find that creepy, but I knew she had her reasons and respected her commitment.

We arrived at destination after a tiring one-week trip by boat that left us pretty drained. It was worst on Elanee and me since we came from the swampy forest, though Khelgar found a way of whimpering as well. Only Neeshka seemed excited the entire time, relating what she knew of the city and where we should go. Khelgar and her seemed to be on a constant bitchy-contest state, swearing like low-class sailors and bugging each other with the slightest thing they could find.

Poor Elanee had to endure that on the top of my brooding figure that became worst on the last two days we spent on the boat. I wasn't only fed up by the sea, but from my thoughts as well. They were stubbornly shifting from Daeghun to Daeghun, and back again. Whatever distraction I tried ended up inefficient, till I got literally depressed and spent my time sleeping. I guess Elanee must have sensed something, because she did her best to distract me whenever I left my small cabin.

I was maybe the leader as they said, but the druidess was really the center of our group relationship. I liked the way her calmness tinted on us so easily; though I knew the other two were often annoyed by it.

When we finally landed in the docks, I asked Neeshka to lead the way straight for the Sunken Flagon, Duncan's inn. I thought she and Khelgar would sooner or later take their leave, but they never mentioned anything like that. Plus, they seemed curious about this shard story. Do I really need to tell you I was glad? I didn't want to be alone, because then my head would be hunted either by Daeghun, Bevil or Amy.

When we entered the Sunken Flagon, we were greeted by the warm smell of cooking bread, coffee and tobacco. The place was probably some kind of restaurant during the day, but it wasn't very crowded. There was only one group of people on one of the tables, while two other lonely customers occupied different places. My nose wrinkled as I got the strong smell of one of them; alcohol and wet fur.

A half-elf man was standing next to the counter, drinking ale and speaking with the barman. Judging by his clothing and appearances, he could have been the owner, but I was pretty sure I was looking for a wood elf. I had forgotten Daeghun had emphasized the "half" part when he had spoken about him.

I greeted him politely and demanded to meet the proprietor. He played innocent for a while before admitting it was him, but as soon as I mentioned Daeghun's name he stopped joking.

"So, running around and you barely know why. You shouldn't learn anything from me though, that's Daeghun's duty."

"It isn't anyone's duty so please, tell me whatever you can about this shard."

Duncan proved to be a joyful person. He loved drinking and you could smell him houses away if you concentrated on his scent. He was always alert and careful though, even if it didn't look like it.

As Daeghun had said, his half-brother had another shard in his possession, which he gladly gave to me. I quickly understood there were probably many other missing parts from whatever those shards were at the beginning.

Duncan suggested visiting the local wizard for further information on the shards, which happened faster than I expected. As soon as he ended his sentence, the moon elf in question entered the inn while throwing insults at the innkeeper. They were obviously old friends and were amusing to look at. A little like Khelgar and Neeshka, though a bit more fancy in the choice of words.

It turned out the shards emanated magic, but the wizard, Sand, said I provoked it. I didn't know how this was possible – I hadn't any magical powers that I was aware of, and all of the spells I had stolen from Tarmas, none which to be working.

Sand recommended speaking about that with some kind of scholar, a sage who lived in the Neverwinter Blacklake district. Sadly, this area was closed due to some strange murders – as if we needed more complications than we already had! I sighed, for nothing could be simple in my case.

To gain access for the Blacklake district, I had two options; either joining the city watch and eventually being given permission, or working with the street gangs. Of course, there was no way I would blend with the thugs – I preferred breaking their noses and stealing their goods. You can say I was a criminal for criminals.

Still grinning, Duncan told us his place was available and that we could use his rooms for a very small fee. I was glad… till he called me kin and said I could call him "uncle". I wanted to vomit.

"Please Duncan, I would prefer to call you by your name." I said as politely as possible. "Daeghun and I are not exactly comfortable together and for me, he is… just Daeghun. So I'm sorry, I could never call you uncle. How about being friends?" I smiled. He looked unsure, but after a shrug, he smiled back and accepted.

After we chose separate rooms, we left to join with the watch. To make a _very_ long story short, I went through a lot of trouble. Need me to name it? Well, saving merchants, in ern investigations, dealing with thieves till we got rid of most of them, saving street kids from thugs, looking for stolen material, dealing with Orcs…

Time simply flew, though I didn't mind much at first. I could easily accept where life decided to carry me out, but I was starting to feel homesick and missed Daeghun. _"Damn fool!"_ He was going to pay for ignoring me for that long!

By the time we got access for Blacklake, our little party grew with a few people. All of them had reasons to join us, let it be gold, adventure or personal interest. One of them was Qara, a real pain in the back sorceress. She was an always-complaining brat, but I liked her pyromania and funny comments on everything. I felt compassion for her because it was easy to see beyond her attitude. I knew she had grown without much care, and that she was lonely – probably a lot lonelier than me.

After the sorceress came the gnomish bard Grobnar. He was… special. I didn't understand how exactly his brain worked since he was constantly joyful, full of energy and passionate with whatever he was doing. He sadly stumbled on our nerves most of the time.

While dealing with another problem for the watch, we were joined by a human paladin named Casavir. Quiet and reserved, Casavir was easy to be with for most of us. I personally enjoyed teaming up with him during fights, but something about his modest blue-eyed beauty gave me the creeps. I would have probably _at least_ flirted him if I wasn't that messed up in the head, but I didn't. I felt somehow trapped within.

I must say Duncan became a little uneasy with us. We soon occupied a lot more rooms than expected, but we solved the problem by sharing. That's how Neeshka ended up with Elanee and Casavir with our lovely bard… Casavir was the only one patient enough with Grobnar and probably never fantasized of transforming him into pie.

I willingly teamed with Khelgar. Why? Because I alone could endure his snoring. I didn't have any merits though, for I was just using another elfish invention – the sound potion. When drinking of it, you can change any sound that bothers you into something you enjoy.

For example, if Khelgar is already snoring when I go to bed, I simply need to take a sip of the liquid and concentrate on the noise that bothers me. Ii has to be replaced by something else though – you can't just make the sound waves disappear, since the potion works as an illusion. I personally concentrate on the noise of falling water, like waterfall or raindrops. It makes me relax and finally sleep, while my friend is still snoring.

As for Qara, well, she got the basement. After all, Duncan was making her work for him after she almost burnt his inn the first time we met her.

Our stay in Neverwinter promised to be long and we soon developed daily habits. I needed to progress faster, but I knew I couldn't outplay destiny – I was respecting the coming events with the usual acceptance that I got from Mystra knows which parent.


	5. Chapter 5

**05**

One night, I went out of my window to sit on the Sunken Flagon's roof. I was grumpy because of the many questions that tortured. Why didn't Daeghun talk about my mother or father? It struck me that I hadn't any idea where I came from and what had happened to my family, or so to say creators. I wished to be more important for Daeghun, so maybe that way I wouldn't be so messed up about him. _"What do I want anyway?"_

My ears caught a faint noise behind. Quiet as it was, it had to be Neeshka.

"Whatcha doing Phael? You ok?"

"Yeah, thanks. I was just… thinking."

"Thinking'bout what?" The tiefling asked as she sat next to me.

I let the lie slide with a sigh. Since everything about the shards was getting more and more complicated, I could hide my emotional problem pretty well. "Oh…everything…"

"You look bad. Hey wait! I have exactly what you need." She started pulling things out of her belt pouch. Like me, Neeshka could stuff a lot of things into small containers. She picked something that looked like a big piece of cake and split it in half. "I stole it from Grobnar." She said with satisfaction while I shook my head. She explained the gnome was cooking those every morning before placing them carefully in his magic pouch – probably for the travels. Seems he was waking pretty earlier than the rest of us to use Duncan's kitchen.

"But Neesh, if you ask Gobnar, I'm sure he will be pleased to give you some." I exclaimed, to which Neeshka merely shrugged and bit in her piece.

"I didn't know Grobnar could cook like this." I said after a while. The cake was a delicious mix of apples, sugar, and sweet spices.

About thirty minutes after, we both started to feel way too relaxed and happy. We were lying on the roof and discussing with ease whatever passed by our minds while giggling for no reason. Neeshka said she often worked for strange people in order to get gold, but that it had always led to dangerous situations. She also spoke about her private life, which helped me open up a little.

I didn't say anything coherent though. My mouth produced half cut sentences that I myself couldn't really comprehend. I must have said something comprehensible at one moment though, because Neeshka got excited.

"Oh Hells! You're in love!" She poked me with her tail. "Tell me who it is! Please? Please please please?"

"I'm not in love at all! I can't be… I'm just…" I sighed. "You see, there is this… male. He just can't get out of my head and I'm getting sick of it."

"Well, you need a change of mind th… hey wait a minute!" Neeshka raised herself a little so she could have a better look at me. "You're not talking about that paladin are you?"

I puffed. "Are you mad? Of course it's not Casavir. I would screw his shiny aura only by brushing against." I stopped for a second when the picture of a naked paladin popped in my head. "But maybe I should consider getting occupied with someone who could erase D… the other."

"Ahh, need some random _male_ company?" Neeshka asked teasingly. "I know every damn inn in Neverwinter, so you just need to ask." She grinned, showing off proudly her pointy canine. We burst in laughter again, but I told her I would have to think about it. After all, I did want to get laid since I had absolutely no sexual activity after seeing Daeghun naked.

Some time later during the night, we fell asleep in an almost cuddling position. We were both lying on our side, with Neeshka's tail wrapped around us. I have no idea for how long we slept, but we were rather groggy the next morning. Especially after we were waken up by almost everyone.

At first, we only heard strange noises, but when we lifted our head to see what was going on, we saw Khelgar through the room's window. Elanee, Casavir and Grobnar arrived as well. To our surprise, the druidess started giggling, followed shortly by Khelgar. It's only when we saw Casavir's uneasy look that we realized what was happening and joined in the laugh.

Grobnar was just smiling as usual, though I was sure he winked at Neeshka when they made eye contact. The tiefling opened her mouth in disbelieve, but stood silent.

At breakfast, things started to get funny. As you may guess, everyone wondered why Neeshka and I were sleeping on the roof, glued to the other. Elanee and Khelgar didn't suspect anything of course, but Casavir and Duncan were obviously perplexed, while Grobnar was grinning happily. _"Ahh, manners."_

Duncan spoke first, pulling me a little on the side so the others wouldn't hear. "Lass," he whispered uncomfortably, scratching his head every two seconds, "I don't mind your… personal… whatever it is. Just please don't do _things_ on my roof."

"All right, let's enlighten you all, shall we?" I shook my head. "Neeshka and I were talking and only fell asleep out of tiredness. _You're_ the one's having _ideas_." I made sure everyone noticed my gaze on both Duncan and Casavir while spelling the last word.

While the blushing paladin never made the slightest sound, Duncan became immediately defensive, insisting he didn't imply anything and only wanted us to be securely in our rooms at the night. I winked at him and promised to leave the roof alone.

I was about to turn away from the innkeeper, when I saw Neeshka making funny faces at me. I understood quickly and added before letting myself fall on the chair: "But even _if_ something is happening between Neesh and me, I don't see how this would be anyone else' business." I made my most innocent smile.

With our precious gnome bard in charge of the entertainment, that story was soon known by a lot of people. Thankfully, the tail became so distorted from the truth that no one knew whom it was about at the end.

The situation became more suspect when Neeshka and I decided to go out at night together without letting anyone know what we were at – we wanted privacy to visit the brothels and inns.

About a week after we begun our night trips, Elanee approached us while the men were away. We were tired of running around for the watch, so Neeshka had convinced me to visit _the_ brothel. There, she said we would probably find what we were looking for, for the other places we visited earlier were fruitless.

"Uhhhmmm, I know what you are doing tonight and…" Elanee whispered, careful so no one would hear. "I wandered if I can join you?"

I wasn't sure at all if she really knew where we were going, but this promised to be interesting. "Why of course you can. Tonight we are visiting the "Vanilla Spot."

"Yeah," Neeshka added, "but we definitely have to find something nice to put on you. No way you'll be going there dressed with this grey… horrible excuse of a dress! It looks old and I'm tired of seeing it."

I nodded in agreement with Neeshka, but Elanee smiled and said she already had what was needed. She promised it wasn't another grey robe, and the three of us laughed.

Because we had our cloaks on, it wasn't until we reached the _house_ that we saw what the druidess had chosen to wear. The tiefling and I almost choked when we saw the delicate fabric of the short green dress our friend had on. It was some druid thing probably, made with different silky transparent layers and beautifully cut at the right non-symmetrical spots. We could see a little of everything that was necessary; ankles, arms, thighs, and almost her entire back. She was gorgeous.

"You're out of your mind! This is not some royal druid party… or whatever it is you do with that…!" Neeshka was shocked "Your dress is way too fancy for this place!"

"Oh, no worries, I made it myself so I can repair it if something happens."

"Well, I guess at least one of us is going to be successful." I shrugged at Neeshka's and my typical dark bodice and tight pants. We looked quite common next to our friend.

As usual, we proceeded by taking a table and ordering wine. The place was crowded with citizens of Neverwinter, traveling sailors and adventures like us. We drank and danced very late, till we agreed to meet the next morning in front of Sand's shop. The last thing I remembered before following the human I was dancing with, was a couple on my left – a gnome and a pretty red haired halfling. Somewhere further, Neeshka's tail was caressing the back of a guy she was charming before it stole his wallet. Another young half-elf was whispering things in Elanee's ear, and even if she looked to be enjoying it, one could tell she wasn't easy to get.

I woke up early the next morning and took my time observing the man next to me. _"Couldn't it have been an elf for once?" Or half-something?"_ I sighed. He was handsome, muscular, and smelled pancakes. How? I have absolutely no idea.

His sleep was deep, yet soundless compared to what I was used to hear during the last month. He wasn't waking any soon, so I took the opportunity to dress and leave. I didn't want the "morning encounter" with a stranger.

Dressing mind-absently, I felt the awaited frustration rushing through my blood up to my face. My body shivered while I exhaled in order to keep calm. It hadn't anything to do with the sleeping human next to me, but with Daeghun.

I was used to be thinking about him a lot, but that night was worst than anything I had dealt with before. I couldn't concentrate at all on the moment with the ranger hunting my thoughts and I was scared of the question "what it would be like". Also, do I really need to tell you my body refused to be satisfied? Even between skillful hands… _"Meh…"_

I left without putting my cloak on and walked towards Sand's shop, forcing my face to look normal. Instead of the girls, a severe looking paladin greeted me.

Arms crossed on his mighty chest, Casavir wore a simple tunic rather than his usual full plate. The fabric revealed his shape well enough for others to admire, but I doubted the holy man suspected that.

I was about to giggle at the disapproving look on his face, till it reminded me of Daeghun and I frowned. Was he going to lecture me?

"What you're playing at isn't good for you my lady." He said reproachfully.

"_Damn he's lucky I respect him so much!"_ I mentally smirked, but then it struck me how my nerves were on the edge of exploding. To contain myself, I chose sarcasm over bitching. "I wasn't aware of needing your opinion."

He was about to protest when Elanee and Neeshka arrived. The girls looked to be enjoying an interesting conversation, but became immediately serious as they saw Casavir.

"Not you as well Elanee?" The paladin's expression became desperate. "Why… no…"

"Oh cram it Casavir!" We heard Elanee hiss for the very first time. Neeshka and I stepped back a little while the druidess moved closer to him. "You're more stuck up than Alaron – just go get laid and leave me alone!" With that, she went towards the flagon.

Although he appeared furious, Casavir left without looking at us or saying more.

"Wow, did you see that?" Neeshka exclaimed. "His aura became almost grey for a second."

I blinked several times before being able to speak. "Did I miss something? What was that about? And who the hell is Alaron?"

"Well, I can't be sure, but it's probably a former lover of Elanee. Maybe the paladin's jealous?"

"Let's ask her directly ok." I pointed at the flagon.

When we arrived in the room, we found Elanee sitting on the window border and looking outside. She was calm as usual.

"Care to talk about it?" I took place next to her while Neeshka lay on her bed.

Elanee stretched with a sigh. "You remember that night you girls spent together? Well, I spent it with… Casavir."

"You what?" Neeshka choked.

"I didn't say I slept with him!" Elanee immediately corrected.

I decided to do the talking before Neeshka would ask other embarrassing questions. "I guess you two have some mutual understanding. You don't need to tell anyone if you don't wish Ela – we would understand." I emphasized the "we" and glanced at the tiefling.

"It's not that I don't want to talk about it – it's just not very clear." She answered. "That night we sort of… talked a lot. And I mean, _a lot_. Casavir and I seem to be very comfortable with each other since the very first time he joined with us… but well, being so comfortable is our problem as well."

"What do you mean?" Neeshka dared asking through nervous glances in my direction.

"Well we… can't part for too long, or our chest hurts."

"I'm sorry," I chook my head, "is this something elfish? Because I'm scared to suf… fer from the same thing… in the future I mean."

"I don't know Phael. Casavir and I both have the same reaction with him being human."

"But is there something between you two or not?" Neeshka got impatient.

"Not yet."

"But why did you come with us first place if you have something like this going on?" Neeshka's concern was almost warming. I never thought she could care so much – or that she was maybe romantic.

Elanee lowered her head before speaking. "We argued two days ago and I wanted to piss him off by my absence."

"What did you argue about?"

"Neeshka!" I hissed.

"It's ok." Elanee giggled. "I don't mind. Besides, I need to get it out of my chest." I nodded while Neeshka sat closer, showing she was all ears too. "It's obvious we have something for each other, but Casavir is too formal. He wants to take his time and plays the respectful gentleman too much. Plus, he keeps pushing me away when I try to make physical contact…" She added with a little groan.

"So you went to cool down because he's taking his time?" Neeshka was really offended.

"Hey what's wrong with you?" I frowned.

"Phael, you don't get it, so let me explain." Neeshka went defensive. "I know I don't look very trusty. And I'm not trusty, or almost… but anyway, Elanee is. And see, this is what I like about her – she is everything I am not, and probably will never be… unless I find a suitable male and calm down. I just don't want her to become like me, or I'll loose hope…"

"Errrr… I see." I said. Next to me, Elanee was laughing heartedly.

"I never thought I had that sort of influence over you." She said.

"Hey, you don't have any influence over me!" Neeshka protested.

"No problem. Thank you for that, I'll do my best not to disappoint you." She promised. Elanee then explained she never did anything but dance at the Vanilla spot. When she had finally arrived at a room with her companion, she had cast a sleeping spell on him and left the establishment. During the morning, she had joined Neeshka.

"But you never thought we would encounter him, right?" I said, to which Elanee shook her head. "Well, your best bet is to tell him the truth Ela." I suddenly whished to leave them and hide somewhere no one could find me. I also whished to have a frank conversation with Daeghun – one in which we wouldn't be hiding behind masks.

"You're absolutely right. I wasn't going to lie more anyway."

"But who's Alaron?" Neeshka asked.

"Oh… that was someone I used to date that Casavir knows about."

We spent the rest of the day together, till I left with the excuse of being exhausted. I needed to be alone badly. Luckily, everyone seemed occupied and Khelgar always drank till very late at night – or should I say morning – so I had plenty of time to let my emotional unstableness burst out without being bothered.

After sobbing for what seemed to be hours, I started wondering if I wasn't suffering from a similar disease Elanee and Casavir had. Only in my case, I was probably the only one affected.

I remembered when he told me to keep my curiosity away because I might see unwanted things, and smirked. How would Daeghun feel if he knew I was more curious than never? How would he feel if he knew I was attracted by him and wished to know everything there was to know?

I realized that before seeing him naked, Daeghun was nothing more than a background for me. Certainly not a man! I was ashamed it had taken me _that_ to really notice his existence.

But then again, if it hadn't happened, I would've never cared for him. I certainly wouldn't have observed his facial expression, body language or the weight of his words. No, I had no regrets. It was the way things had to be…


	6. Chapter 6

**06**

Getting physical or mental break was obviously out of question.

We gained access to the noble district at one point and finally met with Aldanon, the sage.

He was able to fill us in with what we needed to know, and even gave me another shard before he explained they were once a sword. That sword had broken during the battle in West Harbor, when some warlock, Ammon Jerro, was fighting against the King of Shadows.

"_Screw this!"_ I had hissed to myself. _"It's his fault I'm here – I'll make sure to thank him in kind when we'll meet!"_

Aldanon said we should gain access to the warlock's haven in order to find more about my situation. I also had to find if the man had heirs – the haven was accessible only by family members. That's how we ended visiting the Blacklake archives, where we discovered who was the last member of the Jerro family.

Her name was Shandra… a very moody, yet pleasant to be with human. I was just getting quite attached to her when she died… another event that almost broke me. A lot happened before it came to that of course – to start with Shandra's kidnapping by the same githyanki who usually chased me.

Since the girl was taken near Luskan territories, we needed the help of a tracker. That's how Bishop, a human ranger who reminded me slightly of Emile, joined us. It seemed he owed something to Duncan, so he was so to speak forced to help. Still, he decided to stay around after the rescue mission to earn some money.

We all had seen him in the inn before, drinking as much as Khelgar and glancing at girls as if they were bloody meat. One time, he really pissed me off by looking at Elanee in that exact same manner. I had stepped next to her to block his view and give him the most threatening look I could. He had looked away with a smirk.

Besides Qara and I, no one could stand Bishop for too long. He was vulgar, impolite, and loved bothering others with nasty jokes – especially the holy paladin. Casavir couldn't stand him.

I personally didn't mind Bishop for the same reason as Qara – their behavior was a sad comedy in order to hide. I reacted a few times when things got out of control though.

With time, I noticed my gaze fell often on Bishop. Not that I liked him, but I was fascinated. Every time Bishop would breathe in the air, touch the ground or listen to the _evidence_ the forest offers him, I would see Daeghun in his place. How did _he_ track or hunt? How did _he_ breathe in? _"He probably closes his eyes…"_

I must have looked at the ranger often while we were tracking the githyanki, because he took me aside when we set camp. "What's wrong princess, never saw a real man in your life before?" His face was so close to mine, that I could tell how much ale and food he had taken for the last two days.

"Not impressed." I replied, keeping my neutral stare. "You just remind me of someone – which is none of your business."

"Someone you liked?" He breathed on my neck. I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to smack him, but I must have made some sort of face. Bishop stepped back. "Something's wrong with you princess… anyway, let me know if you want to taste a real man." He left with a sneer. _"Annoying mosquito!"_

We found Shandra that same night, along with more surprises. I learned that the shards really came from a legendary weapon called the sword of Gith. Naturally, the githyanki hunters who were after me, the _Sword Stalkers_, wanted it back. Now, it's not that I didn't want to give the shards away – trust me, I dreamed of being free at last – but something in me said I couldn't.

Also, the githyanki were attacking me from the very start and were responsible for Amy's death.

Shandra was held captive in the final lair of the cave, where we met Zeeaire, the leader of my pursuers. I was surprised when she addressed me with words, even if it was to call me thief. She was enraged I possessed pieces of the sword and used her magic to get them without us being able to do a thing against it. Before I could call the attack, Zeeaire paralyzed us all. Some invisible force pulled my body in the air before her and something In my heart twitched painfully.

What happened after is difficult to explain or recall sanely. I remember falling on my knees, with my hands on my heart while searching for desperately for air. Something was happening around me, but I could only hear my slow heart beat. I was empty, and so was the world. Suddenly, it seemed that my path was far different from what I thought, and so I wished to die and be left alone.

"_But what about Daeghun you dumb ass? And what of your friends hmm?"_

I was unable to take my senses back and really on the edge of letting go, when _she_ took my chin and lifted my head. Whatever was going on stopped to leave me only with her.

Beautiful as she was, with golden hair falling elegantly on her white dress and perfect milky body, she could only be coming out of my dreams. I smiled naively to her, but as soon as her deep eyes pore in mine, I knew it was real.

"Fight." She whispered, breaking my paralysis entirely.

By the time I was on my feet again, she was gone. I thanked her silently and moved next to one of my companions in order to evaluate the situation.

"The pillars!" I heard Elanee scream.

Zeeaire died shortly after, saying it was too late for us because of the Dark King. We freed Shandra and returned in Duncan's inn.

***

When we arrived at the Sunken Flagon, a special guard of the Neverwinter's lord came to tell me I was accused of slaughtering and burning a whole luskan village. _"Me?"_

I can't tell you how long it took to end this mess, but it was awfully evil on the soul. First of all, the village was really slaughtered – you don't need to be a frigging paladin to grieve over that. Second, I had to become a knight so my trial would be in Neverwinter rather than Luskan. Thanks to my numerous services to Neverwinter, I became a knight in one day. _"Very practical." _Then we gathered evidence for Sand, with whom I prepared my defenses. The wizard was my lawyer during the court. All went almost well, till the luskan ambassador called justice – in brief, I had to battle against one of their champion.

Since the battle was going to happen the next day, I had to pass the night at the temple of the god TYR. _"Great… hours with myself alone…"_ I mentally hissed, but then Khelgar appeared at the door. He offered to fight in my place but I refused politely. The dwarf gave me his strongest bear hug and wished me the best of luck.

As soon as he was out Casavir came to offer the same thing. I refused again and he left after giving me some paladin lucky. I was happy for their visit, and became even happier when Shandra, Neeshka, Elanee and Grobnar showed up as well. They were so noisy, that the priests of TYR almost threw them out after a minute, but resigned after they promised to calm down.

Smiling sadly, Elanee was the last one to leave. She told me Qara was stuck at the Sunken Flagon, cleaning.

Although I was happy, I started to feel worry when Sand arrived. It felt as if I was really going to die the next day, and that all of these visits were actually good-byes…

Nevertheless, I smiled and thanked him again for the formidable speech he threw at the luskan ambassador. He said he was happy to help but it was obvious he was also proud and satisfied. He gave me a potion to drink before the battle and left gracefully. I watched him till he disappeared, wondering about his age and if Daeghun was older. I told myself he was very attractive, intelligent and that contrary to Daeghun, one was able to have a coherent conversation with him_. "Maybe if I could just leave the ears and switch the faces…"_

But I couldn't. I leaned my back against the cold wall and rested my head between my hands with a sigh. _"How did I come to this?" _Footsteps on the marblish floor forced me to raise my head and look. It was Bishop.

To my surprise, he sat next to me before he spoke. "So princess, you like playing the heroes?"

It was difficult to figure what he wanted since he knew very well I had nothing to offer him. I had no idea what had happened to him in the past, but Bishop was obviously scared of "feeling" and avoided that verb unless it brought him security and strength.

"I am not playing the heroes." I frowned. "What did you really wish to ask me?"

He shrugged. "There seems to be mysteries around you… you believe in the gods don't you princess?"

"What's your point man? You know I do already, so why the question? And besides, why do you always call me princess?"

"Just to piss you off – I know you dislike it."

"I never said anything like that. I just wonder …"

"Why don't you despise me like the rest of your little group?" He ignored the previous subject.

"It's only a mask." I shrugged. "You wear a thick, lonely mask." My hand moved in circle in front of my face. "I don't need to look far to see that – I hide my feelings behind one as well..." Bishop simply stood up and left with a low "good luck". Once he was out of sight, I remembered I hadn't answered his question about the deities.

The luskan representative fighter sadly happened to be Bevil's missing brother Lorn. I couldn't talk him out of the fight and it ended up with blood on my hands, again.

I decided it was time to return to West Harbor for a short while – I badly needed answers from Daeghun, and had to tell Bevil's mother what had happened. The Jerro haven could wait.

I told everyone to take a break while I would go to my village, but Casavir, Elanee Shandra and Sand decided they needed a change of air and followed me.

All of them were quite animated during our travel. It made me happy to listen to their jokes and tales – especially Sand's. That wizard had a marvelous talent with language and words.

It's only when we got closer to our destination that I realized I would soon see him. I was dying for it, though I had to prepare mentally for whatever would happen with him.


	7. Chapter 7

I added some elfish words. They're in italic, followed by a translation in brackets.

**07**

My West Harbor visit didn't play as I had imagined… well, I'm not sure exactly what I was imagining. I got scarred as soon as I saw the village from afar. _"What if he's not there? He leaves often…"_

But he was. And he wasn't just _there_; he was at the exact same spot he used to be the night I left. I chuckled to the mental image of him staying still the entire time, though I knew it was absurd – Daeghun was just inspecting the horizons, bow ready in hand. I told my friends to wait and headed towards him. My heart was pounding like a gong.

The more I got closer, the stronger my desire to touch him grew. There was something very wild – very attractive about him – and it was maddening me. _"Don't even think about it silly!"_ I tried to find any change in him, but besides his slightly longer hair, everything seemed as usual.

"I see you're back. And you have company." Arms crossed, he looked behind me to inspect my friends. "You shouldn't be here; you put this village in danger."

"Yes I'm fine thank you for asking." I hissed.

"You don't look fine." He said. "I'm sorry to be rude; I'm just worried you may have been followed."

"They would be already here if I was." I tried sounding frustrated, but it came out more like an excuse. Daeghun's cold nature was harder to accept at that moment. _"Doesn't he care at least a little?"_

"Come." He gestured towards a bench nearby. I thought he would keep his distance by staying up, but he took place next to me. "What happened to you? You look ill."

"It's called stress. I'm fed up by your secrets." I toyed with my hair to hide the tension. "Don't you know you aren't the only one affected?"

"Of course I know. I'm sorry you had to be involved. Maybe I should have gone myself and let you here after all." He said unemotionally as usual.

"Damn you Daeghun!" I lowered my voice. "You could never do it – too scared to leave your cocoon and face the world again! What you don't know is that I would have accompanied you." I kept playing with my lock of hair without looking at him. Truth was a difficult thing to express, and even though my last sentence wasn't very clear for him, it meant a lot to me.

"… thank you." He said.

"It doesn't matter now – it involves only me. Oh, and by the way," I said sarcastically, "thanks a lot for telling me I had a piece of that crap in my heart."

"What?" His sudden reaction amazed me. He looked actually worried. "That wound…" He whispered.

I stood quiet so he could think over whatever he was about to say. When he was ready, Daeghun told me about the battle at West Harbor many years ago. He mostly spoke about Shayla and Esmerell, my mother, and how they were fighting to protect me. His fiancée had died first, shortly joined by my mother. It seems Esmerell was keeping me firmly in her arms when a piece of the broken sword had landed in her chest through the back. The edge of that shard had only stopped after piercing my heart.

"Healing you was very difficult." Daeghun explained. "It took me the entire night."

"_You_ healed me?" I grimaced.

"A lot of people died that night. The only cleric of the village had his hands full already. Why are you surprised?"

"I imagined you would have traded my life for another."

"No life is tradable." He frowned, but his features saddened as he realized. "Oh… you thought I would have let you die. I knew you disliked me, but not that you thought I was evil."

It was my turn to frown at him. "Who ever said I disliked you? I mean… I li… I don't dislike you!" My voice betrayed embarrassment. Talking about emotions with Daeghun was something I had never figured how to do, and I was paying the price of it by being silly.

"No need to be defensive about it." He said. "Shayla and I couldn't have children… well… I couldn't. Each time Esmerell brought you to our home, Shayla would leave us to play with you. After some time, your mother made her promise to adopt you if something would happen… but, as you know, things didn't turn that way." He paused for a moment before continuing. "You're disaffection to me is only natural – I didn't take care of you as Shayla would have… I'm sorry, I cannot talk about this anymore, please leave me."

The little opening I thought we had was suddenly sealed by his last words. It hurt to be such a sad reminder of that night to him. The wound of his loss was still bleeding, and he was unreachable because of it.

I moved my fingers through my hair to keep calm from his demand. I didn't want to leave. _"Damn I just arrived!"_

"You shouldn't stay h…" But I didn't let him finish. I simply left without saying a word.

I walked straight to Bevil's house, only to find out he wasn't in the village. Retta, his mother, welcomed me gladly, but that didn't encourage me the slightest. My voice and hands were shaking while I told her about my trial and fight with Lorn.

Retta only said she was expecting that kind of news, and that I wasn't to blame.

When I finished my business in the village, I went to join my friends at the tavern. The four of them seem to be having good time drinking wine and commenting on the place. Shandra especially couldn't believe I was coming from such a small village. I understood her – seeing the swamp, foliage and villagers made me different to her than a typical Neverwinter watchman.

After they asked me, I told them a little of how I grew up; my school, Daeghun, Emile… It surprised my to think what Emile did was great since wouldn't have left with Daeghun if it weren't for him. I smiled at life and providence once again – nothing happened without reason. "You're not _that_ noble after all!" Shandra mocked. We all knew my manners were ungraceful, and that I could be quite bad tempered, although rarely with my friends.

Knowing I couldn't stay much longer, I offered them to continue the chitchat and pass the night at the Weeping willow inn before returning to our duties. No one showed interest in returning to Neverwinter, but the inn sounded inviting.

Once again, they waited while I bid farewell to those I knew. It was more painful to leave West Harbor a second time, especially when I realized Daeghun was waiting for me at the signpost. He was eager for my leaving then… _"Can he imagine I would rather have swamp and mud rather than a splendid city?"_ I wondered why he hadn't gone into hiding by then, as he usually did when feeling miserable.

While approaching, I looked at him with care so I would remember every detail possible. And I definitely hated myself for being such an idiot.

My gaze on him was full of self-assurance, though we both knew it was nonsense. Seconds passed before he spoke – seconds in which we gazed at each other deeply for the first time. I still don't know how my knees didn't crack under the pressure pressure.

"I know I am not very helpful to you, but maybe this will be." He took off his seven-pointed star pendant and handed it to me. "It's enchantment changes depending on who wears it, so you will have to discover it by yourself."

Since I couldn't produce any coherent sound, I showed him my back and took my hair away. Daeghun slid the pendant carefully around my neck without saying a thing. _"Cold…"_ I shivered as his fingers and the chain connected with my skin. The sensation was arousing though, and I enjoyed every second it lasted. It was precious.

I whispered a thank you and was about to leave without looking back, when Daeghun spoke. "_Mystra __na faer llie arta llie lem, Anar_. (Mystra be with you on your journey, Sun.)

I turned to look at him, but he was already on his way home. "She is already…" I spoke to myself; thanking the goddess for all the help and courage she was giving me.

Mystra; the mother of mysteries and magic. She was usually venerated by bards, rangers and of course, sorcerers and wizards. It was odd to see a rogue devoted to her, but my faith and love had always been to Mystra only.

"Why is your father calling you Sun?" Casavir asked.

I had no idea if Elanee was teaching him elven between their body lessons, but his question infuriated me. "Don't _ever_ call him _that_." I hissed menacingly at the paladin and headed for the village exit.

I heard Casavir whisper a shy "excuse me" and that's about the conversation I had had for the next two hours. My reaction had surprised them all, but no one dared asking me about it; only Elanee took my hand and walked with me. I knew she understood without the need of asking painful questions.

The journey back to Neverwinter was quick, with little conversation of my part. I was wrapped in my lonely bubble again and only played with Daeghun's gift between my fingers. The seven-pointed star represented Mystra, and it was given to me by _him_. It was more than valuable.

I wondered why he had called me "Sun" though…

When we arrived in the city, I concentrated on my task and avoided distractions as best as I could. The pendant never left my neck.


	8. Chapter 8

**08**

Time passed and things got worst. A luskan wizard named Black Garius kidnapped Aldanon for information, after which we naturally for a rescue mission. Aldanon was taken to Crossroad Keep in a ruined castle. We managed to kill the wizard and his disciples in time, and Aldanon was safe.

Lord Nasher awarded our success by giving me the charge of the keep. I was to rebuild it and make it stronger to face the menace – we all knew the King of Shadows was coming back from whatever plane he was and not only Neverwinter was in danger.

Another person joined our little party then. Her name was Zhjaeve, a githzerai cleric with greenish skin like those of the githyanki. She had left her astral world to help us stop the dark lord. Zhjaeve also said I had to complete some ritual of purification in order to succeed. I couldn't wait…

I imagined being important or something at some point – she had left her home to assist _me _after all… don't get me wrong though – that didn't please me at all since it assured the difficulty of my situation. I craved for mind and body rest.

We all moved at the keep in order to rebuild it properly, with lord Nasher's small contribution. We had to find a lot of resources alone though: smiths, merchants, priests, ores etc. It wasn't that difficult to do so after all the runarounds we had done by then.

At the keep, I had a lieutenant named Kana and a man in charge of the repairs, master Veedle. Kana was the one helping me with decisions concerning the place, papers and advices; it was boring, but at least I learned some handy things about politics. People thought I had a lot of paper work to do, but it sure wasn't like that – Kana mostly dealt with that, asking me only when she was unsure.

With her and master Veedle's help, Crossroad Keep became a livable place and farmers begun settling in. I had put a low tax and people were happy – why not? We were discovering so many riches while traveling!

We soon had an inn with Sal, Duncan's old employee, as keeper. He was excited to have his own place and worked well on it. He quickly begun receiving more visitors.

Not long after we moved there, I decided to visit the ruins of which Zhjaeve had spoken and find the statues of purification for the rituals. All felt as if written by some maniac author – and trust me, I was scared of him.

Everyone except Qara came this time, but none of us could imagine what was about to happen. At the end, half of my soul was ripped. Of five rituals I did only four of the rituals, after dealing with spirits, goblins, orc tribes, season temples and an ancient song portal…

The song portal was supposed to lead us to the last statue of purification, but instead it transported us to a ruined village. As we stepped out of it, I merely heard Zhjaeve say it wasn't the right place before I realized where we were. It was West Harbor.

My heartbeat was pounding hard and very slowly, reaching my ears in seconds. It was the only sound I could hear while looking at what was left of the village – my village. There were corpses, burned houses, blackness… People I had known were lying in their own blood, helpless.

Something shook me gravely inside, increasing my heartbeat at once. I fled in a hurry towards Daeghun's house, scarring my companions by my sudden reaction.

To my horror, I arrived panting in front of an entirely burnt and destroyed house. I put my hand on my chest as if to keep my heart inside. _"I'm going to collapse."_

My companions found me cursing in angry tears while I tried to find a way in the house without burning myself. "Water!" I hissed. Being used to less bossy orders, no one but Zhjaeve understood quickly enough to react. Water and ice fell on the burning flames as the githzerai chanted in her mysterious language. I slid a "thank you" and rushed inside, scared to death to find _him_.

"Empty…" I whispered after inspection. I stopped in the middle of what used to be the kitchen and tried to think. "_Village attack, lack of defense… should have been here… should have… Daeghun not here… wh… never could… back…_" My hand was squeezing the necklace so fiercely, that soon its edges cut through my flesh.

We found the last statue in the nearby ruins with more nasty surprises. There were shadow priests and other minions of the dark king, but also a new enemy that called itself "shadow reaver". Fancy names they got. _"Blasted evil creatures!" _Someone else had already performed the last ritual, so we left with an uncompleted mission and heavy hearts.

We had to camp twice on our way back. I was totally retreated in my own bubble, refusing to speak more than necessary and ignoring anyone who tried to make me.

Since everyone always surrounded me, I decided my bath wouldn't wait for Crossroad keep. On our second stop, I informed everyone and left to wash in the nearby lake, finally alone with myself.

I'm not sure how long I stood in the water, but my skin was pretty wrinkled when I got out. I dressed unconsciously and sat still on my blanket – I guess I was really mind-absent, for I never heard Elanee's approach.

After drying my hair with her magical fire, Elanee took out some bread and cheese she had brought and split it in half. We ate in silence while tears were still falling down my face - the same silent way Daeghun had many nights ago.

"Phael, you would have felt it if he was dead." She tried to comfort me.

I didn't know what to say. It was hard to cope with all that was happening, but even harder to deal with my emotions and incoherent thoughts. Especially since they were all jammed in me. I wandered why she spoke only about him though; the whole village was gone and I wasn't weeping only for him.

"The village…"

"It's ok Phael, I know." She sounded calm as usual, looking far in the distance as only elves could. I didn't understand her – what was she saying? I got scared.

"What are you talking about?"

"About Daeghun. I know… how you feel about him. You don't need to hide that from me – I understand."

I hid my face between my knees and inhaled for a moment. How did she know that? "I think there are things you are not telling me." I said without sounding or being mad.

At first I thought she would keep whatever it was to herself, but Elanee opened up without holding back. She talked for quite a while, relating to things I had never imagined – I even wondered why I had never questioned her more about her past.

Like me, Elanee was adopted at a very young age and raised by older people – druids in her case. Being part of their circle, Elanee had some tests to pass, of which she failed only one.

"Was I somehow part of your test?" I asked bewildered. She nodded. Without knowing the reason, Elanee was supposed to watch me and learn more about the _civilized_ life. During her watch though, she became obsessed with my life and didn't return soon enough to her people. I understood my way of living was probably totally new to her.

"I watched you for so long, that I felt like knowing you completely. I somehow felt what you felt and knew what you dreamed of…" She explained.

"How long?" I asked.

"Oh, not that long… twenty years or so." She shrugged.

"_Twenty_ years?" My mouth fell open. "I was still at the school then!"

"Yeah I know… you were funny." She chuckled. "There is much… violence and strength in you, but you are not a bad person Phael. You are just very emotive and you listen to your heart – that's what I like mostly about you."

"Thanks Ela. But… about Daeghun…"

"I know you love him." She beamed and then raised her eyebrows many times. "You loved him even before you saw him bath."

My face was probably reddish, but it didn't prevent the chuckling. "Seems I wasn't the only pervert in the field? But wait… how come _before_?"

"Well, you were always spying on him, especially while he practiced in the field – that's why you begun practicing the short bow as well. I could see the marvel in your eyes when you looked at him – he intrigued you and inspired you in the same time. But he was so cold, you couldn't have thought about _love_. It's just at that moment that your brain and heart made a connection. Stop pushing those feelings away Phael – you're the only important thing left in his life."

"_Stupid tears!_" I thought as they leaked once again. There was nothing else to say about my situation – only time and events could change it for better or worst.

I later fell asleep against Elanee's shoulder and the tree behind us. I was calmer and glad she had shared the story with me, though I had to admit it was weird to be followed for so long. We both suspected her circle knew about my fate somehow, but we weren't sure.

When we arrived at the keep, Aldanon told us immediately he had found the location of Ammon Jerro's haven. "_Thank the gods!_" I thought. We all needed rest, but I decided to leave the next day – needed to keep things moving. I left early with Shandra, Grobnar, Casavir and Jhzaeve.

My thoughts weren't at rest and I was stressed during the entire trip. I was sure Daeghun was alive because of what Elanee had said – if he wasn't, I would have known. But this wasn't the only emotional disorder I had to deal with, and especially not the last one…

Shandra had to spill some of her blood to open the Jerro haven. At first I wasn't at ease with it, but she wanted to enter the place as much as I did. The moment her blood drops touched the sacred altar in front of the door though, she disappeared. The door opened, but we were all panicking since Shandra was nowhere. I rushed in first without thinking. "_She's somewhere here… she's all right…_"

Demons were everywhere inside, bound by the warlock to whom the place belonged. We had to run and ask them to open portals in order to find Shandra – she couldn't be safe alone with so much minions around.

We managed to enter the main place at some moment, only to stumble on the warlock himself, Ammon Jerro. He was furious of course, for he hadn't a clue whom we were. He didn't even let us say a word before he attacked. The room was filled with magic blasts, chanting and metal against metal clatter.

I remember hearing Shandra's voice, saying we couldn't defeat him that way. She had to free his demons first by sacrificing more blood. I was screaming for her to stop, but she didn't.

Shandra acted quickly – the demons left along with most of Ammon Jerro's powers. But again we didn't have enough time to talk him out before he disappeared.

"I'm sorry grandfather" We heard Shandra's words as we entered the room. She fell lifeless from the warlock's grip.

"You IDIOT!" I screamed as my body charged by itself, fist ready with rage. That he looked traumatized and out of energy didn't stop me, as it would have usually – it was my turn to refuse to speak.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't fighting back much though I didn't care to notice. Casavir was the one who finally gripped me so I would stop. But I freed myself and punched him as well. I wasn't controlling myself at all, till Zhjaeve's voice called my name. It worked like magic, for I fell on the ground, and fainted.

When I woke up, I was at Sal's inn in my keep. Ammon Jerro had teleported us with what was left of his devilish powers – he was back to a more conventional warlock.

After remembering the events, I excused my self to Casavir for his swollen nose. Knowing my lately boiling attitude, Zhjaeve explained quickly why Ammon was with us. It seemed Ammon was the one who had done the last ritual of purification – in another way, we needed him to stop the king of shadow.

"You?" My eyes creased. "_You_ are the one who fought against that fanatic in my village? All of this is because you failed? Great… now I have more than one reason to send you to hell…" If Ammon had the "killing stare" spell, he would have surely used it on me at that moment.

I breathed deeply to calm a little, for my rage wasn't helpful in that kind of situation. I tried to put myself in his position in order to understand him, though I didn't want to. "Must be difficult… to be on the same quest for so long…" I spoke mostly to myself, but Ammon was listening. "To kill your own without knowing… must be quite heavy… and why would I succeed where he failed?" I shook my head and looked at everyone around. "Take the time you want to relax. I'm off."

I was about to leave the inn and retire in my room for a shower, time alone and especially, to light a candle for Mystra, when Sir Neval appeared at the inn's entrance. He asked me to follow him to the Neverwinter's castle immediately.

I felt the urge to slap him, but the poor man wasn't responsible for what was happening and was just following orders. I followed him alone.

When we arrived, Neval explained lord Nasher wanted to name me Knight Captain for all the services I had done for Neverwinter. "_And that couldn't wait?_" I thought.

The ground under us shook and we heard people yelling. The castle was under attack, and of course, lord Nasher in danger. "_Not again!_"

As usual, I was sent on a rescue mission – under the castle this time – to reach the throne room and help the lord. After meeting some talking statues and fighting with spirits, I arrived at destination. I found lord Nasher fighting against the same shadow minions I had seen so many times. It wasn't difficult to help him finish them off.

My dubbing was done quickly, around shadow dust, blood and dirt. I gave my loyalty to Neverwinter mostly because I had fallen to defend West Harbor, and needed to fill patch my internal wound somehow. I did care for Neverwinter though – the city was gorgeous and people were… well, people, as everywhere.

I returned to my keep dirtier than ever, tired, hungry and especially brain dead. I cursed at everything whenever I thought about Shandra, Amy or Daeghun. "_Why the hell does it have to be like this?_" Someone had to pay. Someone, as in "King of Shadow"!


	9. Chapter 9

**09**

"My room at last!" I sighed after the long hours in the bath. My tears were finally dry, though I was scared they would pop out again – it was starting to be a nasty habit. I took out a simple black trouser and shirt, and proceeded with the hair drying next to the fireplace. I noticed with surprise they almost reached the end of my back.

The moonlight was beautifully brushing against my bed, making it look more inviting than ordinary. I was tired, but something told me I should take a walk outside. Most of my friends were probably at the inn, so I would be alone.

But I was wrong – I met Elanee on my way out.

"Hey Phael! I'm going at Sal's – are you coming?"

"Maybe later. I need some time to think." I said.

I made an abrupt stop when we reached the border between the keep and the courtyard. There, just next to one of the largest trees of the keep stood a shadow. It was _him_!

I made my way to him slowly, blinking as many times as possible, just to be sure it was really him. "Dae…" my words died in my throat. But he didn't seem to notice.

"I see the moon has been at your back – you look well Phael." Neutral tone as usual - didn't bother me at all.

"Thanks…" "_Maybe darkness is hiding my rings?_" "Where have you been?" I was so relieved to see him, yet sad that I still couldn't reach to touch him.

He told me he was helping other villages in the West Harbor area, but they all had to leave since something was obviously invading the nature. That's how he had missed our village's attack.

Daeghun explained that Elanee's circle of druids was still at the Mere and that we should ask their help against the dark lord. Lord Nasher had required of me to gather forces to defend the keep since the shadow soldiers were going to attack here first, and Daeghun seemed already up to date with the news.

He gave us the location of the druids and said he would stay around, helping as much as he could in the keep. Do I really need to tell you this made me ecstatic?

"We need a tracker if we are to go there. I can't find my way around in the Mere anymore." Elanee sighed. That tracker couldn't be Daeghun though – he had other things to take care of, and I knew him well when it came to _duties_.

At that precise moment, Bishop showed up with his best sarcastic smirk. He smelled alcohol, but I knew he wasn't that drunk. "I thought I heard a damsel in distress," he mocked, "well, someone obviously had to replace Shandra…"

My fist flew on the spot, breaking another of my friends' noses. "Curse you meet-bitch! How dare you speak of her?" I was about to punch him again when he backed up.

"Relax princess!" He spoke, hands on his nose. "I was just proposing to help since your _father_ is clearly not going to do it."

I jumped on Bishop in a flash, whacking him as if he was my practice dummy. We fell on the floor and gripped at each other in a fight. It lasted at least five long minutes, till an arrow landed right between Bishop's head and mine. We stopped immediately, getting Daeghun's message clearly.

I must say I really needed the beating as well. Not that I hadn't enough if it by then, but this was simply animal – and relieving. We managed to sit, panting and giving quick looks to each other. We both tasted blood and our skin was reddish from the fight.

"Ok princess, I will never call him that again." Bishop smirked and went slowly towards the inn.

After Elanee left as well, I stood up and joined Daeghun under the tree. We sat on the wooden bench, when I realized my ribs hurt like hell – Bishop hadn't missed me at all.

"Didn't you come to see me at all? It had to be duty again… I hate you." I didn't sound convinced at all.

"I'm sorry you have to feel this way because of me." He sighed, and I swallowed hard. He really wasn't getting it.

"It wasn't true, man! I'm just pissed." I said.

"I came as quickly as I could. There were many things to do, many people to help."

"It's great you're helping people." I approved.

He took his time before letting out a shy "thank you", to which I mentally smirked. It was good to have reactions from him. We didn't spoke for a while, neither did we look at each other. At one moment though, I turned glance at his handsome features once again. It's true he was pretty mature for an elf, probably around 444 years old, but it didn't matter to me.

"_Why is he so irresistible to me? It's madness!_" I quickly looked away.

"Phael… something happened." Daeghun's tone was very weird. "I… well… your real father came to visit me."

"What? But he's supposed to be dead!"

"He is dead. He came in a dream to tell me something…" He stopped. This seemed to be another difficult subject to share. "He wanted me to tell you he was watching over you, unlike me. He also said I was a fool to live in the past and needed to let go."

I knew how he felt. If Bishop, Qara and I thought we were loners, we were wrong. Daeghun was lonelier than all three of us together.

"Your father also mentioned he wanted you to know you didn't have to worry about me – that _he_ existed."

Daeghun obviously didn't know what exactly those words meant, but I did. I also knew he was more depressed than ever because he thought he had failed with everything. The message was very negative for him, though it wasn't it's real case. What my father was saying is… well, yours to guess!

Without thinking more, I took his hand in mine and put my head on his shoulder. I felt every muscle of my body relax, the rage go away and the sadness evaporate. His hand was bigger than mine, a little rough but warm. He didn't flinch.

"Tell me about him." I asked with closed eyes. I felt the tension in him go away slowly as he was getting used to my gesture. He smelled of the forest… "_Green leaves…_" He started to describe him, not daring moving with me so close. I surely disturbed him a lot.

My father was half drow, half aasimar. The drow is the dark elf race; they have mostly bluish, grey or even black skin with pale eyes and silvery hair. The aasimar on the other side are heavenly touched, which means that one of their parents is from the heavens.

His real name was Alvos. I repeated it many times in my head and tried to picture him while Daeghun went on with the description. Alvos had black hair and violet skin. His eyes were almost white and the clothes he had in Daeghun's dream suggested he had been a sorcerer.

With that father and a wood elf as a mother, I felt like a new race – and I loved it. Especially the color of my skin: slightly tanned, between light orange and grey violet. It made my lemon eyes look paler.

"Don't be sad because of what he said – I don't think you really understood his words." I slid through a yawn.

"Well, you almost killed your ranger friend for calling me "_that_" as you say. My guess is your father's message was pretty clear." He growled.

"Well, that really depends on you… I really don't hate you … but you could never be my father, even if all the skies tried to transform you into it…" I mumbled, feeling my body giving in for slumber even if I wasn't that tired. I was mentally exhausted though, and the fight with Bishop didn't help. Plus, Daeghun's presence and natural aroma was intoxicating.

But well, this was Daeghun after all, and he had to wake me. He told me to go to bed and left.

I slept well that night. My spirit was tortured by death, loss and grieving, but I was constantly thanking Mystra for helping me and keeping Daeghun close. I knew he would stay in the keep or in its surroundings and that was enough for now.

A luskan messenger approached me the next morning. He was shaking as he told me the new ambassador, Sydney Natale, wanted to show her good intentions towards Neverwinter by giving us crucial information about the shadow reavers. She asked that I would meet her in private along with Qara and Zhjaeve.

I smelled treachery – it was too well cooked to be true, especially coming from a luskan. We decided to go, still curious why the heck this Sydney Natale wanted Qara and Zhjaeve to be there. Before we left though, I used scrolls with special protection on the three of us and asked the girls to be on their guard.

It turned out Sydney wanted to kill us, but especially Qara. The headmaster of the academy had promised Sydney students if she was to defeat my friend! "_Disgusting!_"

As for Zhjaeve, the ambassador wanted her to translate the documents she had found – the _true_ names of the shadow reavers. The only way to really defeat those creatures was to use their true names against them – or else they would come back to life again, stronger.

The fight didn't take long to star, but it lasted quite a while. Sydney was very potent with the magical spells she used on us: animal companions, elementals, fireballs… but the worst was Qara's double. How that witch did it was a mystery to us, but thing was exactly like Qara and had the same powers as well.

I was fighting against a hound when I heard Qara scream. I turned to see a dagger stuck in her chest. "Zhjaeve!" I yelled while slicing the creature. "The scroll!"

Zhjaeve immediately pulled Sand's gift and chanted the written words. A huge fire elemental erupted and sprang straight on Sydney. I teamed with it quickly since Qara was in Zhjaeve's hands. The elemental died at the exact same moment my blade stole the ambassador's life once and for all, and I fell on the ground, panting.

"I'm sick of fighting every frigging day!" I grumbled. My tension eased when I saw Qara was breathing evenly, though she wasn't conscious. Zhjaeve sat next to me and related her people's story once again.

"Know that on one side is Queen Gith, which chose the path of vengeance and violence." Zhjaeve showed the back of her hand, then turned it to show her palm. "On the other side is the warrior Zerthimon, who believed in peace, goodness and righteousness. That's how our people split in two: those who followed Gith are now known as the githyanki, while the ones with Zerthimon, githzerai. Know that since you are carrying my people's story now, you have to chose who to follow."

Tears fell off my eyes again. I knew she was telling me this because I was not in total control of myself – I _was_ looking for trouble in the same time I wanted to avoid it. It was my way of stress relief, or so I thought.

"Know that your will is strong, and that is very important. Only that and the sword of Gith may be enough to defeat the King of Shadows. Know that if you choose the path of Gith, the path of vengeance, you will loose yourself. You will be enslaved in your own will of revenge and I know this is not something you want – you are not like the dark king." She added with soothing voice. Zhjaeve's speech always sounded very long, but maybe it was because she spoke slowly.

We left a while after, with Qara between us – she was still unconscious.

I left Zhjaeve with Ammon and, with the help of a strength potion, carried the sorceress in her room. I wanted to be alone with her for a little chat. Qara was getting more annoying with each new day since we moved in the keep and I wondered why. She was the person with which I had most difficulties getting along with. You probably think that should have been Bishop, but trust me when I say we could come to an understanding easily. This rarely happened with Qara and I was beginning to think she had something personal against me. "_Which wouldn't be that surprising…"_

When she awoke, Qara jumped in a sting position, touching her belly, arms and face. When she realized where she was and probably remembered the latest events, she became furious and looked at me with blame – the same look she had given me the day I announced we were moving at the keep. I had seriously no idea why she minded so much – she hated Neverwitner.

I didn't give her the chance to rant before explaining what had happened after her faint. When I was done, Qara looked like she was gathering courage to tell me something, though her features showed she was furious.

"Ok let me get this straight for you Phael." She began, hands still around her body as if she needed protection. "I don't want to be part of your group anymore. It's been fun and all, but I want to do other things and don't need to be following a knight Captain or executing orders or…" She barely breathed between words.

"I understand Qara." I shrugged. "I'm not forcing you to stay here. Your help is appreciated, but if you feel you need to leave, that is your decision to take." "_I certainly don't want people to die because of me._"

She was playing with her hands and avoiding my stare. I knew that body language very well – something was tormenting the young sorceress. I waited for her to speak without poking her bubble.

"I'm going back to the docks then… to work with Duncan." She said, and I scarcely noticed the blood that rose to her cheeks. "It's not as if I cared what you think or needed your permission Phael… I'm just warning you now and I'm not going to waste my time by informing the others."

"That's ok Qara, I'll do it later and you don't need to be there, don't worry." My voice must have been monotone, because she rolled her eyes.

I tried to ask her if she felt good there and if Duncan knew she was planning to return to his inn. I couldn't guess what was really going on of course – I was too blinded by my own emotional problems. I didn't have the time ask more questions as Qara stood up, more nervous than before. I think I annoyed her pretty much. She was still playing with her hands when she burst into tears, obviously not knowing what to do and where to put herself.

"_What did I miss again?_" I wondered as I made her sit back on the bed and stroked her back. Surprisingly, Qara didn't push me away – probably because I was respecting her wish of silence. Once she calmed down, she wiped her eyes and gave me a frightened glance.

"I'm pregnant." She said.

"Whaaat?" I let out as all the imaginable possibilities rushed into my head with phenomenal speed: with whom; when; why; was it sincere? I knew she didn't like any of our comrades, so it couldn't be one of them… unless she was drunk.

And then it hit me. Her constant bad mood since we were at the keep and the perpetual babbling about Sal's inn said it all. It had to be Duncan.

"You love him?" I whispered, asking myself the same about Daeghun. She nodded. "_Lucky girl, at least she is sure._" I decided to walk her there myself without telling the others what was going on. I needed to make sure she would be all right.

While I went to change my clothes, Qara was gathering her things hurriedly. We met at the back of the keep so no one would notice us and left swiftly. I had only warned Sand we were going out for a girl talk.

The travel went well. Qara talked about Duncan the whole time without even noticing. She was obviously excited to return to him, and I was happy for her. Someone around me _had_ to have a normal life.

We arrived at the Sunken Flagon in the middle of the night. At first I didn't want to intervene, but my need of visiting the bathroom got the better of me. I hoped Duncan would be occupied so I could sneak without being noticed, but he was right at the entrance, looking outside.

He was clearly surprised and glad to see me, but his features changed when he saw Qara. He his his real feelings behind sarcasm though – there had to be a resemblance with his brother.

"You came just in time lass, the tables need some cleaning!" He winked. Next to me, Qara was growling. I left in a hurry for the bathroom.

Once I was done, I sneaked quietly around the inn to see where they were, seriously wondering what kind of relationship those two could have. I found them in the kitchen. Qara was sitting on top of Duncan, telling him agitatedly about her situation while playing with his ears. Duncan's attention was completely on her, as much as his hands. He was stroking her thighs, back, neck and ears, and then back again. Deciding their privacy had to be respected, I left quietly.

I walked more slowly than usual on my way back. My head was so preoccupied, that at one point I sat next to a tree and hid my head between my knees. I was finally alone. "_Really alone_… _maybe if I would run away… or if I died, things would get better. Maybe the shard awakened the King of Shadows; maybe not… the new life in Qara promises sunshine… what if there is no more sunshine? What if I fail… It's sweet they're together… I'll probably stay obsessed with him forever… do I love him? But how will I succeed against the maniac? How many shadow reavers are left? What if my friends died? What if he died? What if I die? Does he need to know? To know that I…"_

"We've got you!" A squeaky voice on my right disturbed my meditation.

"Can't I have a frigging moment alone?" I growled under my teeth while standing up to face the three colored creatures. "Pixies?" I grimaced. "What the hell you want?"

"There's a powerful magic item on you – give it to me!" The one dressed in orange responded. He looked like he was their leader.

I puffed in laughter – one I hadn't had for a very long time. It quickly faded away to leave place for intimidation. "I'll tell you what pumpkin," I approached it, "you get the hell out – NOW – or I'll cook a pixie-pie out of your sorry ass!"

His friends backed away immediately, but the little leader wanted to show courage. He was about to reply something when an arrow flew very close to his wings. Scared, the pixies left for good.

My heart wasn't beating like hell because I was scared. I turned around and tried to figure where he was. "Are you spying on me?"

"No." I jumped as the voice came from behind.

"You should have shown yourself earlier!"

"I didn't want to bother you. You seemed gone in your thoughts." He said. I remembered what I was doing before the pixies' interruption and blushed. "I just figured I could follow you from behind." He looked away and started to walk slowly. I followed.

Daeghun explained he had visited his brother and was leaving the city when Qara and I showed up. He had waited and followed me once I was on the road again.

"Thank you for telling me about my father." I decided to change the subject.

"That's what… he wanted. I don't know why he came to me since I never saw him before. When Esmerelle came with you the first time, she just said your father had already died." His voice was calm. I was trying to make a new life then – to live with the one I loved at peace, without more adventuring. I didn't want to see death again and I think you understand this better now. But, well, that never happened – there was always something going on… till the first attack on West Harbor." He stopped, sighing.

"I already understood you." I replied. "It's just my nature to be a little pest and say what's on my mind. But… unlike you, I accepted that our lives are entangled a long time ago."

At first, Daeghun made no reaction at all, but when I looked at him, he looked back and his eyes widened a little. It meant he was thinking about something. "What?" I dared.

"I don't know. You seem different when you look at me."

"Different how?" I asked, scared of what he would say next. Could he know? "_He's not an idiot… you idiot!_" My mind scolded.

He took his time thinking and walking with the same slow pace as me. I could see the keep was close and wanted to delay our arrival. I thanked Mystra for granting me another moment with him.

"_You_ are different. People call you Knight Captain, and that keep," he gestured toward it, "is yours. You have come far, you should be proud."

I felt sickl. "Daeghun… this is not home for me. Not if y…" But he interrupted me.

"Forget about West Harbor or your childhood home. The village is no more, and the elders and students of the school took their things and fled."

I had to suppress more tears – I didn't want them to ravage my face in front of him. "You said I was different when looking at you. What do you mean?"

"I don't know exactly – it's just your stare. It's different. You tell me." He sounded a little upset.

"Euhhh…" what did he want me to say?_ I'm going mad thinking about you – you are taking the entire space in my mind AND heart. Oh, and of course, I just can't give myself to another, not even for fun! Did you know I haven't been sleeping with anyone since you savagely blew my mind off?_ No way… "Well… I'm glad you're here. I was scared to deat… scared when I discovered West Harbor… that you would be dead, I mean… oh, forget it." I was annoyed. I couldn't even make a sense out of my own words.

"Mystra helps me a lot." He simply said.

"I didn't now you liked her till you gave me the pendant." I was playing with the star between my hands, trying to think sanely.

"I do. Glad you still have it."

"Of course I do." "_Silly!_ _Didn't you know this is the most precious thing I have – yes, yes, because it reminds me of you and because you gave it to me and… _"Tell me about it." I demanded.

"Well, as you're already aware of, I am a ranger. When I was younger, I was part of the _Order of the Shooting Star_, or rangers who are sponsored by Mystra's church to spy and deal with magical threats. I've always followed her and the necklace I gave you… well, I found it when I was a child."

"It will be hard for me to give it back…" I said, thinking I could only do it if he promised to stay with me. "…unless you decide to exchange places…"

He gave me the most questioning look his features could produce and I shivered. What was I going to say? "_Damn! Me and my big mouth with gibberish words…_" "Ehhh… dunno, was only joking." I tried.

"I don't understand you every time you speak." He sighed. "But I never asked you to give it back. It is yours now."

"I know, I know." I was still holding it in my hands. I closed my eyes for a second, inhaling deeply and savoring the moment. We were almost there and I knew the chitchat would end as soon as we crossed the front gate. I imagined he would go on with his own business and it saddened me.

I wished all were over. I wished the King of Shadow were already defeaded. I wished Daeghun could open up a little. But mostly, I wished to hold on, and face what I had to face properly, let it be enemies, circumstances or emotions.


	10. Chapter 10

**10**

Ammon sent me to seek the only one who knew how to re-forge the sword of Gith – a dragon. I wanted to smack the warlock hard on the head for not telling me about this Nolaloth earlier… never mind. I went with Zhjaeve, Khelgar and Neeshka that time.

"Yeyy, we're going to run around again – with dragons this time!" I had clapped my hands and grinned stupidly at him. He didn't like my sarcasm at all.

Our travel towards the valley of Nolaloth was the longest we had ever made. It took us four days and nights to get there, without counting the rest and camps. You can guess we were growing tired of it all, and were scared to meet with the ancient creature. Well, it didn't play that bad.

First of all, the dragon was only in spirit form – he couldn't die properly because his heart was enchanted to tie him to our world. He told me I had to re-forge the sword my self in a sacred and related place. I immediately knew it had to be West Harbor – there was a dark spot where the battle had ended.

Second, Nolaloth asked us to destroy his heart and grant him a peaceful rest. He warned us that other dragons would attack us, but it was the least we could do for him. No one wants to be stuck somewhere.

He was right though – young dragons attacked us as soon as we damaged the big heart. While Neeshka acted as distraction, Khelgar, Zhjaeve and I bashed the heart till it exploded. The little dragons disappeared with it and we all relaxed.

We decided to leave immediately for West Harbor and re-forge the sword. We made it in two days by passing through the Arvahn ruins and the song portal again. Once there, I began searching for the black spot, knowing it wasn't far – it was the only place where grass hadn't grown since the first attack.

We were all looking for it when we noticed some people around us.

"Are those survivors?" Neeshka squeaked, unsure of her own question.

"Tarmas?" I called when I recognized the wizard. I was about to go to him when Zhjaeve blocked the way.

"Know that these are not the people you knew. It's a simple trick – they use your memories and the associated emotions to them in order to manipulate you."

"But… but…" I looked at Tarmas again. He was hiding behind what was left of his home's door.

"Watch." Zhjaeve said and began chanting in her weird language again. All of the faces I was starting to recognize changed suddenly in their true form – dark, empty shadows.

"I can't stand this anymore…" I let out with a sigh. "_It so easy to delegate or give orders… so easy to put others in charge… to refuse… to say no I refuse – I don't want to… so easy… but I don't have that option… not if I cared but only a little…_"

I got out of my lunacy and charged at the shadows. When the last one fell under me, I was surprised to see I was on the exact spot we were looking for.

The githzerai asked me to sit down and cross my legs. She did the same, taking position in front of me and spreading the shards we had between us. She said I had to remake the sword with my will and concentration, and that she would be guiding me through this act.

I closed my eyes and listened to Zhjaeve's peaceful voice. I knew what I wanted – I wanted to be in peace, but for that I had to finish my quest. I had to stop the King of Shadows because he brought shadow, death and coldness with him, killing every natural thing and stealing happiness. "I have to stop him… if I dodn't, then who? … it's too heavy… I'm too small and alone…"

Zhjaeve's humming became slightly louder, but enough to bring me back to normal. I wasn't alone! The faces of my companions appeared in front of me and once more I thanked the gods to have them – I would have never succeeded at anything without them. The story was theirs as well and I wanted to win it for them. With them. "_And what I want on top of it all is him… so be it just for them, and him… I have to…_"

A mild and warm energy erupted through my chest and I opened my eyes to see light everywhere around us. Zhjaeve was still chanting but I couldn't see her – the only perceptible thing was the spectral form of a sword between us. The shards were slowly levitating and melting into it, as if they were alive and knew where they belonged. I got scared the piece in me would want to come out as well, but it didn't happen and the sword of Gith was fully re-forged and ready to use.

"Know that you are the new master of this blade. It is re-made by your will and will serve you only. Know also that the taste of your enemy is upon it, and that it will never be in peace until the enemy is defeated."

"The "taste of it"?" I asked.

Zhjaeve explained the sword was reformed in a sacred place where the enemy has already been. And because it was made whole again for the same reason, the sword wasn't at peace. I believed her – I could feel it breathing, waiting to be used against the foe. _"I'm coming you piece of empty crap! You'll need to prey your momma cause she isn't going to recognize you even in hell!"_

We left, killing another shadow reaver while we were at it…

At crossroad keep, things started to get pretty hot the exact moment we arrived. There was a fight going on and we had to join in fast. I must say my new blade made things much easier than I had imagined possible. The magic it emanated was also incredible – almost ecstatic.

Another shadow reaver appeared out of nowhere and began spreading black rays everywhere. I left my friends take care of the rest and ran towards the thing – I knew I could take it alone while Ammon recited its true name. "_Let's see how you cope with this!_"

As soon as my sword made contact with it, the shadow reaver let out a scream I had never heard before. Its attempt to squash me became furious and incoherent and I had to double my speed in order to defeat it. As soon as Ammon finished reading, the monster collapsed. I was glad for it hadn't missed me as well – I had scratches on my arms and chest and one of his claws was stuck deeply in my thigh, and blood was spilling like hell. When I became aware of the pain, my legs gave up and I fell right on my buttocks.

"Hmmhmmhmm… that looks like it hurts." Bishop mocked as he examined my leg. "Need me to pull it out Princess?"

"Pike off Bi…" But I was interrupted.

"Leave it to someone skillful." Daeghun emerged behind the man and pushed him aside. I was sure to collapse when he bent and began examining my leg with both his eyes and hands.

"Oh, so you're suggesting I'm not skilful?" My companion smirked.

"You don't know much about healing and you're _not_ practicing on her." Daeghun snapped, still examining my thigh. I tried to look away and keep cool without much success. I'm not sure if it was the pain or the stress that bothered me most though, but my heartbeat was really becoming faster each second.

"Fine, it's not like _I_ cared anyway." Bishop replied. "I hope you won't butcher her though – it would be sad to lose a leg, heih Princess?"

"Arrgh just let him do it would you!" I rolled my eyes and steadied myself on my elbows. Where were Casavir and Zhjaeve anyway? Even Elanee could have done it… "_Are you actually complaining he is taking care of you?_" My mind scolded once again. "_Of course not! Please let the healing take a looooooong moment… without loosing consciousness…_"

Bishop left with a shrug and only Ammon stood around us. I asked him to see if he could find something on our enemies' bodies so I would have Daeghun for myself.

"It passes right through the saphenous vein…" Daeghun mumbled.

"What does it mean?"

"Where is your Paladin friend?" He ignored my question and stood up to look quickly around. It seemed he spotted him because I heard a snarl and then he was back on my thigh. "Too far. Do you have any medics? Mine won't be enough."

"Yeah it's over there." I pointed at the spot where we had all dropped our stuff when we had arrived. It hit me that we were really alone. Everyone seemed to be gathered around the farms where skeletons and more shadows were left. Daeghun took my backpack and took something out of his pouch before he bent down again.

"Lie on your side." He ordered.

"Wha…" But I decided not to question him. He knew what he was doing.

"The other side Phael." He sighed when I turned on my left.

"_Oh great I won't be able to look at what he does._" I ranted. I heard him tear apart something that sounded like tissues, then place things on the ground. He also opened a bottle – probably one my healing potions.

"This will hurt a little." He warned me. I felt to dizzy with the loss of blood to care about the pain and just nodded. When I felt him pull the claw though, my mind became lucid again and I had to grind my teeth so I wouldn't moan.

"Bloody shit!" I hissed when it came entirely out. Daeghun was pouring drops of the potion on the two edged wound. "I had no idea it was out on the other side…"

"That's normal. You don't feel much when your body produces a lot of adrenaline, but once it stops you become aware of your wounds. Those you don't remember receiving are the worst – like this one. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Mmmmm… fine…" I lied.

"You lost a lot of blood…" He frowned, and that's the last thing I saw before fainting.

I merely remember looking at his neck while he walked towards the small castle. Once we were in my quarters, he left me on the bed and sat on a chair next to it. He was examining the sword of Gith and peeking at me when I came back to my senses.

"Better?" He asked, the sword still between his hands.

"Yes." I mumbled shyly and moved my legs to see if all felt normal. Aside from being a little numb, all seemed fine. "Thank you." I mumbled again and felt the blood rush to my face. "_Oh no… not a blush?_"

"You're welcome. It was only normal." He said. "This weapon is impressive. It feels magically charged."

"It is. You remember the shards?" I asked as I sat on the bed, facing him.

"They were from this?"

"Yes. Zhjaeve helped me re-forge it… in West Harbor."

"That's where you were then." He noted. "We'll talk more about this another time Phael. I have things to do, and you as well."

I wanted to say something else, but Daeghun just stood up and gave me the blade before exiting my room. Right then, Grobnar rushed in and told me Ammon was gone. I went after the warlock with Bishop and Sand.

We found him at Shandra's farm, fighting against some demons – Ammon had a lot of enemies from the hells. Once they were dealt with, he began yelling at me.

"You didn't need to come rescue me Knight Captain!"

"I have a name you moron!" I shouted back, but then I relaxed, as I understood he was grieving. He looked awful. "I didn't mean to interrupt your… farewells."

"Don't excuse yourself Phael." He calmed down as well. "I am to blame… I'm sorry Shandra."

Something was glowing not far from Ammon and he went to see what it was. I don't know how that happened, but the object he took from the ground was Shandra's pendulum – which she was wearing when she died. It stopped shining when he took it.

The battle had started again at the keep when we came back. Neval asked us to destroy the two bridges around the keep and I immediately left for it with Casavir and Sand. I was really sick of running around and needed a change of clothes badly.

More skeletons, shadow-priests and even vampires attacked us and at one point we were really outnumbered. I got scarred we would die as we got surrounded by a dozen of them. There was no way we could watch our backs as the three of us had to attack as much as possible.

But suddenly arrows flew everywhere on our enemies, and I saw Daeghun with two other archers not far from us.

"Daeghun…" It slipped me. I wasn't expecting him to help me yet again that day.

He informed me on what I had to expect on the other bridge and then left to his own duties without adding more.

We managed to complete our mission and returned to the castle when things calmed down. I wondered if the keep would really hold on…

After Elanee and Zhjaeve healed the wounded, we all went for rest – the great shadow army was probably arriving soon and we needed to be in total shape.

During the night, after I had bathed and changed in clean leather armor, I decided to wander around on the roofs. I couldn't sleep much and thought fresh air would do me good. I could for once really enjoy the view of the land from my own new home.

"_Home… Could this be home if he stood here with me? What if I survive, but he leaves… would he let me follow him then? Would he push me away? Can I live without him?" My mind was torturing me. "He took care of me earlier… twice… but what if he still hates me… no no, he doesn't… and I promised I would haunt him after all this would end… will it end… why didn't my real father appear to me… what will I do with all of this… will I tell him… but tell him what… that I lo…_"

I thought I heard a familiar sound – like a ready bow strap. "So Princess, you lonely tonight?" Bishop was right behind me, inhaling at the base of my neck. I backed on the side and faced him.

"Come again?" I hissed.

"Come on captain!" He smirked. "You think I don't know you're hiding as well? Why don't you…" he cornered me at the ledge with both his arms and approached his face inches of mine, "tell me about it?"

"Look," I pushed pass him and stepped back. "Pike off. Ok!"

"Listen Princess, I don't know why you're doing it, but let's be honest – you're _going_ to lose. There is still time to step out of all this crap." He approached me again, but I backed up as well. "I say we run, just you and me. Let's leave Neverwinter to its own shit."

…

"To its own _shit_?" My tone got higher though I wasn't yelling. "Are you out of your frigging mind ranger? Don't you really know why I'm doing this?" It was his turn to back away from me. "Bishop, I have this damn thing inside of me – I am the only one who can use the sword of Gith against that fanatic! And for your information, he won't stop with Neverwinter only."

"So be it then. I'll let you be the little puppy of fate as you seem to like." He looked infuriated, but something about his features told me he had already other things on his mind. "But tell me Princess; why do you still refuse to share my bed? You love someone maybe?"

I looked away to avoid his eyes and stood quiet. No way I was going to tell him anything about my problem. Bishop waited some time, obviously trying figuring out who it could be. "_There's no way he could…_" But my thought was cut short by his sudden chuckling.

"By the forest!" He took another step back towards the stairs. "That's why you're such a mess Knight Captain. I'll leave you to your _problems _then – better spent the rest of the night with some wench at the tavern. They'll certainly be less amusing, but more willing." With that, he left for good.

I didn't even feel the need to yell at him – I was too exhausted of everything. "_Now where was I… ah yes…he is right, it is a problem… I really do lo…_" I suddenly remembered the sound of bowstrings and looked on my right. He came out of the shadow.

"Oh man… what a mess…" I said my thoughts aloud this time and hid my face while turning the other way. At that moment I remembered Bishop didn't say anything Daeghun could interpret clearly and calmed down. But still; he _was_ there and he _had_ heard everything…

When I looked at him I saw his bow and arrows were out. "_Damn, is he married to that weapon?_" It was too much and I couldn't resist the tension any longer. I burst in laughter – my nerves needed any kind of release.

"_Not a parent, but there he is, always protecting me… what am I going to do with that? Be a hypocrite and push the feelings somewhere safe? Somewhere no one would find them? No… There is NO safe place – and you can't run away from your feelings. I just have to find a way to deal with them…_"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spy or anything." He said as he tied the bow on his back. "I was already here when you arrived."

"It's ok… but you didn't show yourself… yet again." I looked away to hide the pressure I felt in my chest.

"I did so because I heard the human approaching. I don't like him and I don't like it when he is around you." He said coldly, but without any real distinct emotion. "He smells treachery."

"I really don't care about him right now," I said trembling, "but thanks for watching over me."

"I don't want to intervene in your private life… I'll leave you now."

I stopped him. I wanted him to stay a while; I _needed_ it. "We have to get some rest Phael. The battle is not over."

"I know that! I just want some time with you – can't you live with that?" I snapped, forgetting he might guess it was all about _him_.

He sighed. "I don't understand why, but yes, I can live with that." He looked at the landscape and I imitated him, thinking it was better to shut up. We didn't talk for a while – a while in which my desire to touch him grew wild. I didn't dare. "_Chicken shit!_"

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Euhhh… nothing." I lied.

"You're lying."

"I know." I sighed. "It's just my hidden dark side…"

"It's fine – you don't need to tell my anything you don't want to." He said. "Just let me know if you have troubles that I can help with."

I wanted to add something – badly – but my mouth stood glued and merely formed a tiny smile. We left soon after, without me knowing where he was headed. I wasn't able to get more sleep, and soon a soldier rushed in my room to tell me the army was arriving.

It was just the beginning…


	11. Chapter 11

**11**

The fight at the keep was bloody and Daeghun turned out to be right – Bishop did betray us. He opened the gate for our enemies and told me he was joining with the winning side. He disappeared quickly then. "_Wimp!_"

The battle went on till sunrise, when Garius showed up, summoning an avatar of the King of Shadows. All of my body hairs were up and spreading goosebumps of fear. I still managed to jump on the fiend along with Sand and Ammon, and when it died, Garius fled. What was left of his army then wasn't hard to beat.

Once it was really over, we went back in the keep. The soldiers, Kana, Neval and Nasher were all happy for the defeat, but the greater danger was yet to be faced. Aldanon was ready to teleport us at the king's lair and asked us to prepare quickly.

I was scared to death and there was nothing to prepare – we were all ready as well. I looked around at my companions and marveled at their determined features. Even Grobnar seemed to be aware this wasn't going to be the usual fight… but then it hit me – Daeghun was _not_ there.

I told everyone I had to gather something and ran outside to look for him. "_He has to be somewhere…_" I told myself while passing through the entire fortress and courtyard. But he wasn't.

"It can't be… where are you?" I shouted on my second round. No answer came and only soldiers looked curiously at me. None of them had seen him, so I returned at the castle with a heavy heart.

Glad that I was finally back, Aldanon summoned the portal and asked us to be careful. He had no idea where exactly in the lair it would lead us and warned that we should stick together tightly. Everyone began wishing us good luck and praying to whatever god they worshiped. We were seconds from entering the glowing circle when I suddenly looked at one of the far back pillars and saw _him_. He was looking at me as well.

"Wait!" I yelled and ran to him.

"_Who knows what would happen… what if I never came back? What if I never saw him again?_" I was so scared, that my usual pride and self-esteem disappeared. In a flash, I was hugging him so hard, that I really wonder how it didn't hurt him.

"_You're trembling like an idiot – you idiot! And everyone is probably looking straight at you!_"

Daeghun was puzzled of this sudden show of emotion of course, but he held me back. "_Mani naa raika Anar_? (What is wrong Sun?)" He asked calmly even if he wasn't sure I understood the question. I did…

"Amin… Amin… liy llie… (I… I… love you…)" I whispered, not believing what I was doing. I quickly drew back and ran for the portal. Aside from Elanee, everyone thought it was just a natural good bye.

I looked at him one last time before my feet reached the glowing circle and saw his look full of concern. He probably wanted to say or do something, but it was too late. I was gone.


End file.
